Raising Private
by Red Sova
Summary: Humanized! Private's Mother, a rouge MI6 Agent, didn't leave Private with Nigel but rather an old friend. How will Private handle life as the son of Penguin Enemy Number One? And what happens when Super Secret Agent Nigel learns the truth about his arch nemesis' child. Fem!Red
1. Chapter 1

Red held the infant to her as she stared helplessly at where her old friend had just been. This had to be a bad attempt at some joke she obviously didn't understand. There was no way that Luna Tux handed Red her child with all the legal forms to make Red the infant's gaurdain. The baby shifted causing Red to hold it a bit closer in fear of dropping it.

...Him.

...Private.

Private, what a strange name but who was Red to judge. Maybe it was a British thing?

Or maybe it was just a Luna thing?... Yeah, that made more sense. "Well, Private. It's just you and me now." Penguin Enemy Number One with a Penguin child. This could only end in a disaster.

Private Age: 4 months

Red gave a soft groan as share was woken from her five minute nap by loud 'I'm-being-murdered' screaming. Trudging out of her bed, Red made her way to the blue crib nearby and picked up the child. "Sshhh. Shh. It's okay Private. I'm here now." She bounced the infant in her arms and was rewarded by screams turning into soft whispers. A grumble left the child causing Red to sigh. How much could a child eat? Where did it all go? It was like the child was a giant stomach! A whimper drew Red from her thoughts and back to Private. Sighing, Red made her way towards the kitchen. "Sshhh, Mommy's going to get you food now." Anything to stop the crying and maybe- if she's lucky- get some real sleep for a change.

Private Age:1

Red smiled softly as Private drifted to sleep to that annoying horned horsey theme song. Maybe, just maybe she could tolerate these Lunacorns. Especially if they managed to help Private sleep soundly.


	2. Chapter 2

Private Age:1 1/2

Red swore she was going to have a heart attack at the rate things were going. Somehow Private had gotten into her lab, despite her locking the door earlier, and was crawling all over the place with far too many close calls for Red's taste. Red paled as Private lifted a half complete device and began to bang it onto the work station's top. How did he even get up there? And why of all things did he have to pick up **that**? "No, no, Private. That's not a toy. Now please hand Mommy the bomb."

Private Age:2

A sense of pride filled Red as she crouched down with a large smile splitting her face. "That's it. You can do it, Private. Come to mommy." The small blond toddler waddled towards the villain as best as he could on shaky legs. "Come on. You can do it." After a few more steps the toddler stumbled causing Red to lunge forward and grab the toddler before he could fall. "There's Mommy's little Angel." Standing, Red twirled on spot causing Private to bust into joyful giggles.

Private Age:2 1/2

Sharp, owl-like eyes moved from Red to Private then back to Red causing the villain to shift nervously. "Explain, now." A voice smooth as velvet ordered. Red tightened her hold on Private as she took a calming breath. She could do this. "Count, meet your grandson: Private."

Thud!

Red blinked in disbelief as she stared at the downed figure of her mentor. Count Victor von Siva, The Mad Owl and Former Penguin Enemy Number One, had fainted. Red's gaze moved onto Private, who was giggling. "Well, that went better than I expected."

Private Age:3

"Ma!" Red and the Count froze before both looked down at the beaming toddler. "Did he just-" Red cut off as the Count nodded. "Ma!" The toddler repeated causing Red to grin like an idiot. "He spoke! He said' Ma'! Quick, where's the camera?!" Private laughed loudly while clapping his hands as Red ran around trying to find the camera.


	3. Private Age:4

Private Age:4

Soft baby blue eyes watched as Grandpa worked on making Luncheon. Usually Grandpa didn't cook but Mommy was still resting so that way she could get better. Mommy was sick and Grandpa said it was the flightless bird's fault, the loud one with creepy red eyes.

Stonehut?

Lockrut?

No. That wasn't it... Ah, Rockgut! That was it! Private was sure of it. The creepy bird had chased Mommy away for a while, leaving Grandpa to take care of him. Don't get him wrong, Private loved his Grandpa but Mommy was better at both cooking and chasing away the monsters. He hoped Mommy got better soon but until then he and Grandpa would have to protect Mommy incase any monsters or Rockgut tried to hurt her.

Private quietly opened his bedroom door, glancing around to insure Grandpa wasn't going to suddenly pop out if thin air like his and Mommy liked to do at times. Seeing no sign of him, Private dragged his cover with him as he rushed to the door across the hall and silently opened it. Nervously, he glanced around to find that he was still alone. Signing in relief, Private rushed inside making are to shut the door behind him. Smiling as a sense of accomplishment filled him, Private rushed to the bed and more importantly the figure under the crimson blankets. Mommy was paler then Private had ever seen her before making Private all the more determined to protect her from any monsters. Climbing onto the bed, Private curled up next to his mother with a satisfied smile on his face as he drifted to sleep.

* * *

Count Victor von Sova sighed as he watched the two figures cuddling in their sleep from Red's door way. Honestly, he wasn't very surprised to find that Private had disobeyed him and snuck into Red's room. The boy was diffenly his mother's child that there was no doubt of. Silently, the Count shut the door, it looks like he was about to get one more patient to care for.


	4. Private Age:5

Private Age:5

"No." Red felt her eye twitch as she stared down her mud covered son. The blond hair boy was glaring at her but it only made it look as if he was pouting. Was it even legal for someone to be that adorable? The villain sighed, "Private." "No bath!" He interrupted, crossing his arms over his chest in an all too fimilar posture. It seemed that the Count was right about Private watching and copying her. She pinched the bridge of her nose. God help her. "Son, if you don't take a bath you'll track mud through the base." "NO BATH! Another sigh escaped the rouge, she was never letting Private play in the rain again. But for now it seems that she'll have to use her secret weapon, "If you take a bath, I'll let you have two Peanut Butter Winkies for desert." Red open chuckled as Private raced passed her and into the bathroom, where Red had already drawn his bath water. Smiling to herself, Red grabbed Private's shampoo from a shelf. _'Works every time.'_

Private Age:5 1/2

Red never considered herself herself an overprotective mother until the day Private vanished from his kindergarten classroom. The moment she heard a man in a suit with an MI6 badge had picked him up for her, she blew a fuse and would have kept over the counter to personally strangle the woman had the Count not had a firm grip on her arm and dragged her out of the front office.

* * *

Private was scared. The man who had taken him from the school seemed nice but wanted to take him from Mommy. He didn't know why the man seemed to think Mommy had done something to him. "Are you hungry Lad? You want anything?" He glared his Mommy's favorite glare at the Brown hair man, he had to bode brave like Mommy and Grandpa until they came for him. There was no doubt in Private's mind that his Mother would come for him, all he had to do was wait.

* * *

Super Secret Agent Nathan Jacobs of MI6 had never been so terrified in his whole life then he did at that moment and who could honestly blame him? He was staring down a posses off Penguin Enemy Number One and Ex-Enemy Number One after all. The small boy was clinging to The Red Squirrel's leg, having escaped Jacobs' reach the moment the two villains had shown up. "Count, take Private. I need a word with Agent Jacobs." Jacobs couldn't help but shiver at the villain's tone and the maniac glint in that lone eye. The moment The Count and the boy was out of the the room, a sadist smile twisted onto Red's lips.

* * *

"Mommy?"

"Yes, Private?"

"What was that dark red liquid on your suit earlier?"

The fingers running through Private's hair paused as Red thought up an excuse. There was no way she could tell Private the truth, he was far too young and innocent for the cruel reality of what she had done.

"Wine. Jacobs spilled some wine on me while we were... talking."

Private didn't notice his Mother's brief hesitation, far too happy to just be safe in her comforting hold.

"That wasn't nice of him."

"No. No, it wasn't."


	5. Private Age:6

Private Age: 6

Count Victor von Siva sighed as he watched his daughter in all but blood and the heir to his legacy sulk with a bottle of whiskey and looking to be on the verge of busting into tears. It was ironic now that the Count thought about it, nothing had ever caused Red to look so defeated before. Punch her and she would punch you back. Send her a bomb and she would send it back with extra gunpowder. Shoot at her and she would openly laugh. Try torturing her and she would taunt and insult you, your mother and every thing else she could think of. Nothing had even come close to causing Red to react like this and nothing probably would. Except for a blond hair,blue eye boy who had only had to say three words, three small little words spoken out of anger. And what where these words? Simple: _I hate you. _

Private Age:6 1/2

"Are you sure you have everything?" Red asked the Count as he started his vehicle, a silver Bentley Continental GT W12. He was supposed to be taking Private to a birthday party and Red could see the top of Private's chosen gift, a four foot tall teddy bear, from the side window. "I'm sure, Red." The Count was obviously annoyed as he stared the car and pulled away. Red shook her head before glancing down at her left side and at the one thing the Count had forgot. "Mommy, what's Grandpa doing?" A distant sound of screeching tires as they were slammed on brakes filled the air. No doubt the Count had just noticed what exactly he forget, or should she say who exactly he forgot. "Don't worry about it Private, Dad's just getting old." The blond child nodded his head as if he had understood something of great importance, "Oh, so Grandpa's going senile?" Red didn't bother choking down her laughter, "Sure, just don't tell him that." Innocent baby blue eyes peered at her in confusion. "Why? Isn't it true?" Red smiled softly, "Yes, I suppose it is, but its also very rude and you don't want to be rude and hurt Grandpa's feelings. Do you Private?" Private frantically shook his head no. The silver Bentley pulled up then, the Count shooting Red a glare that read_ 'not a word or else'_ when he noticed her smirk.


	6. Private Age:7

Private Age: 7

Baby blue eyes glared at the black-ish-blue hair man's back as he talked with Mommy about some project they were working on together. Private usually didn't dislike people but he had made a special exception for this man. Grandpa gave him a nod when the man leaned a bit loser to his Mommy, who stayed obvious to the gesture.

_Crash!_

The glass plate he was holding shattered against the tile floor and Private forced crocodile tears to his eyes while whimpering. As planned, Red was instinctively rushing to her aid and swooped him up in seconds. A hand gently rubbed circles on his back while Mommy carefully moved from the glass and whispered words of assurance to him. Private glanced over his Mother's shoulder and smiled at the man's aggravated frown.

Private:8- Francis Blowhole: 0.

"Red, why don't you go insure that Private's okay. I'll finish up here." The Count offered, even as he ushered Red out of the room and for once she didn't protest. Once she was gone, the Count allowed a smug smirk to appear on his face.

Operation: Protect the Obvious Mom From the Perverted Dolphin, was a success.

Private Age: 7 1/2

"Mommy?"

Red paused in her work at her son's voice, "Yes, Private?" She turned to look at her boy, who was shifting nervously from foot to foot. Arching an elegant eyebrow, Red began to wounder what Private had broken this time as it was the only time he ever looked like that. Private fiddled with his hands before looking Red in the eye with determination, "Mommy, what is sex?"

Red felt here lone eye widened as she choked on air. She didn't even notice when the wrench she had been holding, fell onto her foot. Only one thought was going through her mind at the time:

Who the he'll was trying to corrupt her son?!

"Mommy?" Private asked after a few moments which seemed to be a trigger as Red's mind did the only thing it could think of such stress. Red's lone eye rolled into the back of her head before she hit the ground with a solid thud. Private's eyes widened as he rushed towards his Mother, "Mommy?" No answer. Wide eyed and full of panic, Private yelled as loud as he could, **"GRANDPA! HELP, I KILLED MOMMY!"**

* * *

From the security room, Count Victor von Sova laughed like there was no tomorrow. He knew it had been a good idea to tell Private to ask Red about sex.


	7. Private Age: 8

Private Age: 8

Super Secret Agent Nigel liked to considered himself an open minded man. Years of services for MI6 had taught him that nothing was truly impossible and nothing should ever be considered such. Until now at least, after all he had just been informed that The Red Squirrel, the violets of vermin to ever exist, had a child. The spy stared at Q in disbelief, maybe the man had been tipping into his precious scotch again? There was no way Red would trust anyone enough to sleep in the same room as herself, let alone have sex with them. So maybe the rouge had picked up some homeless orphan? After all, no one in their right mind would give Red a child.

Right?

* * *

Nigel gapped like a fish out of water at the sceen before him. Sure, The Commander had assured him that Q was not drunk, but hearing from someone else and personally seeing where two different things. He almost blown him cover at the sight of a small, blond hair, baby blue eyed boy dragging the world's deadliest villain around the mostly deserted playground, like an oversize doll. What surprised Nigel even further was the fact that Red was letting the boy do so while laughing in a way Nigel honestly didn't think the villain could: full of happiness. Nigel couldn't help but wounder if he had somehow walked into the Twilight Zone.

* * *

Red frowned as she got the sudden feeling that she and Private were being watched, but there was no one in sight. Her lone eye narrowed as the glared into the nearby tree line, not to close but just close enough to see. She was distracted from her thoughts by Private tugging her towards the swings, "Mommy, come push me!" Laughing, Red's smile slipped back into place,"Alright, alright. I'm coming," Her previous train of thought was long forgotten in favour of spending time with her son.


	8. Private Age: 8 and a half - 9

Private Age: 8 1/2

The Count sighed as Red sat in the fetal position, rocking back and forth as she mumbled to herself. Honestly, you would have thought that her best friend had up and died, not that Private had told her that he was a big boy now and so he couldn't call her Mommy anymore.

Private Age: 9

"Mum? "

Red gave a soft groan as she was woken by Private shaking her shoulder. "Huh? " She was too tired for words at the time.

"There's a creepy man roaming the halls, can I sleep with you tonight? "

At first Private's words didn't register, but when they did her lone eye shot open and she was sitting up in a flash. "Private, what did the 'creepy man' look like?" The more Red heard the more certain she became on who the intruder was. White hair, pale skin, emerald eyes, and a dark green and grey suit. There was only one man who fit that description that would dare roam her base:

Super Secret Agent Nigel Tux.

Damn that man, Nigel never could mind his own business. No doubt he had heard about Private and came to investigate. Now how to get rid of him? She couldn't leave Private alone, not with Nigel roaming the base. Slowly, a sadist smirk came to Red's face as she chuckled darkly, that could work. "Private, why don't we let Cuddles and Fluffy play with our guest."

* * *

Nigel mentally cursed every God known to man kind as he ran for his life, a four hundred pound lion and a three hundred eight pound snow tiger on his tail. Of course Red would have exotic pets, but why the he'll did she name them Cuddles and Fluffy?! That crazy Russian needed a therapist or maybe an army of them as Nigel didn't think one would be enough for the obviously unstable villain.


	9. Private Age: 9 and a half - 10

Private Age: 9 1/2

Red arched an eyebrow as she watched Private shake in fear, his eyes never leaving the small mammal before him. Glaring at the Count, Red couldn't help but think this was all his fault. If only he had never insisted on looking after Private that day, then maybe her son wouldn't be so traumatized of such a small critter. The sad part was that neither the Count nor Private would tell her what he had done to make Private so traumatized of badgers.

Private Age: 10

"Mum?"

"Yes, Private?"

"Why don't I have a Father like the other children?"

Red paused in her work, having not expected the question. How was she susposed to answer a question like that? Did Private want a Father like the other children have? Sighing, Red put down her wrench to face her son.

"Well, you see Private. I just haven't fount the right man yet. Why? Do you want one?"

The way Private nervously glanced down at his feet was all the answer Red needed. Oh course he would want a Father, even Red had wanted one as a child and the Count, despite what people thought, had been a great Father. Though she would never tell him that even if her life depended on it, his ego was already too big.

"How do you know if you fount the right one?"

Red stayed silent for a few moments.

"...Honestly, I don't know."

* * *

MI6 HQ

Nigel's Office

Getting a DNA sample from Red's son had not been easy, the villain was far too protective of the boy for Nigel to just walk up and ask for one, but the spy had managed it through the boy's school doctor. He had personally oversaw the DNA testing and now held the results. Feeling utterly satisfied with himself, Nigel took a sip of his tea and opened the file, only to spit his tea out a moment later at the results. It wasn't possible.

"Luna."


	10. Plots of the Sova Kind

Private nervously shifted from foot as he gathered the courage to tell his Grandpa about his plots concerning his Mum. He knew it was a risk but he needed an adults help and it wasn't as if he could tell his Mum, she would put a stop to his plans in an instant and it didn't help that she was one of his targets.

"Grandpa?"

The older man's owl-like eyes pierced him with the fierce intensity Private had grown to seek comfort in.

"Yes, Private?"

"I need your help, but you can't tell Mum." Private spoke sounding more confident then he felt. The Count arched a silver eyebrow, "That all depends on what you ask." As Private began to tell out his plan the Count slowly gained a predatory grin. "Alright, I'm in, but we're going to need the help of one more person." Private gave his Grandfather a confused look, "Who?" The Count smirked.

"My Arch Nenemis when I was Penguin Enemy Number One: Super Secret Agent Dylan."

* * *

Super Secret Agent Dylan stared in open disbelief at the two people in front of him as if they had grown two heads. "I'm sorry, I don't think I heard you right." The Count's smirk never fade as he repeated himself.

"I need your help."


	11. Private Age: 10 and a half Part 1

**The last chapter, Plots of a Sova Kind, was part of chapter nine that unfortunately didn't load correctly. Sorry.**

* * *

Private Age: 10 1/2

Nigel fount himself staring at Private's file for what had to be the eighth time that day alone. It had almost been half a year since he had discovered the truth and still fount it hard to believe.

Red's son was actually Luna's son. Red, his arch nenemis, was raising his nephew. Penguin Enemy Number One was raising his nephew. Nigel knew he had to confront Red about it but how? It's not like he could just invite Red to his office for tea...

...Or could he?

* * *

Red stared at the invention in utter disbelief. Had Nigel finally lost it? Or did he seriously expect Red to just pop up at MI6 HQ for tea?

"I think you should do it?"

Red glanced at the Count as if he had lost his mind and maybe he had.

"Would you like me to bring a stripped uniform as well?" Red deadpaned as she folded the invention.

"What's the worse that can happen?"

Red resisted the urge to slap him.

* * *

When Nigel had sent the invention he had never actually expected Red to show but judging by the annoyed look on her face neither did she. Yet there she was, looking very much like a vengeanceful War Goddess. She obviously didn't want to be here and Nigel couldn't blame her, after all, not many were willing to waltz right into their enemies HQ.

"Come in," he ushered her in, well aware of the hundreds of eyes on them, "I'm glad you could make it."

Red rolled her eye, it wasn't as if she had much choice between the Count pestering her and Private's puppy dog eyes. Damn, that should really be illegal for everyone's safety.

"Please, have a seat. Can I get you anything?"

"You can get to the point."

With a sigh, Nigel pulled out Private's file before tossing it at the rouge, who caught it in mid-flight. Opening the file Red froze.

"_As you can see, we have a lot to discuss, Red."_


	12. Private Age: 10 and a half Part 2

Private Age: 10 1/2

"_As you can see, we have a lot to discuss, Red."_

* * *

He knew. Damn it! Nigel knew the truth and they both knew it. Red glared at the file half hoping it was magically combust and take the results inside with it. Why did Nigel a ways have to stick his nose in where it wasn't wanted?

"What do you want?" Red cut straight to the point, her lone eyes colder than a glacier and harder than stone. Nigel obviously wanted something or he wouldn't have brought this up.

"Practical Custody."

Red's eye narrowed, there was no way in he'll she was just going to hand over her son to Nigel of all people.

"And if I say no?"

Hard emerald eyes locked onto her, "Then I take him. I'm his Uncle, Red, and as far as the world is concerned, you're the Vilest of Vermin." Red didn't deny it because she couldon't. Legal guardian or not, many would be all too happy to take Private from her without a seconds doubt.

"Look Red, my offer is simple:

You'll keep Primary Custody of Private and I'll just randomly stop by to check in him. If something happens that makes you unable to care for him, Private will go into my care until the problems solved. Do we have a deal?"

Rd stared at Nigel's hand knowing it was the best offer he would willingly give. She reached over and firmly grabbed it.

"Deal."

She could only hope this wouldn't come back to haunt her and her family. Oh, who was she kidding?


	13. Private Age: 10 and a half Part 3

Private Age: 10 1/2 Part 3

Private stared at his Mother's Arch-nenemis in disbelief, did he honestly expect Private to be believe a word he said? The blond hair boy glanced over to his Mother, who was scowling at the spy's back. Upon noticing Private looking at her she gave a reluctant nod, confirming the truth in the white hair man's words. Uncle, he had an Uncle. It was a little hard for Private to accept as it had always been just him, Mum, and Grandpa. Don't get him wrong, Private always wanted more family, still..

Did his Uncle have to be his Mum's arch nenemis?

With a well hidden circulating look in his blue eyes, Private glanced been his newly discover Uncle and the scowling Mum. Maybe this could help his plan along after all. A large, friendly smile split his face and baby blue eyes sparkled innocently. Yes, he could work with this.

"Its a pleasure to meet you, Uncle Nigel."

* * *

Count Victor von Siva allowed a smirk to appear on his face once he was safely in his room. Biological or not Private was suddenly Red's son, they both had long mastered the fine art of deception and neither had any problems with using it to reach their own personal goals. Part of him woundered if Red even realized her own child was plotting against her or was she blinded to it by her motherly love for the boy. Picking up his cellphone, Victor hit the speed dail button and waited until Dylan's voice spoke.

"Yes?"

"The Game is Set."

* * *

Red frowned at her reflection as her lone eye narrowed. Something wasn't right, she could feel it in her very being, like something was crawling under her skin.

Something was wrong, but what?


	14. Private Age: 11

Private Age: 11

"No."

Red ignored Private's pouting to the best of her ability as she fixed him with a firm' no nonsense' look.

"Please." Private pleaded, trying to wear down his Mother, who seemed determined to remain forum in this matter, "It'll only be for a week." Red's eye twitched, did Private not know what could possibly happen in a week? He could get sick, kidnapped, or worse: Decide he wants to be just like Nigel and leave for good. He was still too young to leave. A part of Red's mind told her she just be overprotective but another part told her she wouldn't be able to protect Private if he actually went.

"Look, Private. I can put up with with Nigel coming over at random times, but I don't a prove of you going to his cottage for a whole week. Anything can happen while your there alone."

To her surprise, Private nodded, "I agree, but I'm not going alone, Mum." He smiled brightly, "You'll come with me."

Red at first began to nodd before Private's words actually sunk in.

**"Wait, What?!"**

Nigel choked on his tea in shock and for once both villain and spy agreed on something.

**"I/She can't stay at Nigel's/my home! He/She would kill me in my sleep!" **

Their heads snapped to look at each other, before the two recoiled from one another as though performing a synchronised dance.

Private's lower lip wavered as tears filled his eyes. It seemed he would have to play his triumph card.

"But Mum, if you don't come who would protect me? What if someone tries to kidnap me? I could be poisoned, I could be dying in some ditch and you'd never know until it was to late."

Red's eye twitched, one more push.

"What if MI6 comes after me? Nigel would have no choice but to hand me over."

Without another word, Red spun on heel and disappeared into a room. A moment later she came out with a crimson bag thrown over her shoulder. Private smiled as the Count laughed and Nigel stared in disbelief.

Nigel looked to the Count, Red was willingly coming to his home? "How-" The retired villain just smirked,

_"Overprotective Mother Syndrome."_


	15. Private Age: 11 Part 2

Private Age: 11 Part 2

"Nigel?"

The spy forced himself not to flinch at the Commander's forcibly calm tone.

"Yes, Sir?"

"Why is Enemy Number One at your table drinking tea?"

Nigel clutched his own cup a tea a bit tighter as he glanced over at said villain, who was going a perfect job of ignoring the MI6 Commander. For once the awkward tension that had always filled the air was gone with no sign that it had ever been there. Nigel foundered how the hell she could stay so calm at a time like this.

"She was thirsty?"

Nigel saw Red raise an elegant brow as if silently asking 'that's your excuse'? Honestly he couldn't blame her, even he felt like an idiot after saying it.

"Nigel-" the Commander started only to be cut off as Red hit him directly between the eyes with an acorn muffin she had made for breakfast. Both openly stared at her in disbelief, but her only answer was to stare at them both in boredom. Deciding to pretend that never happened, the Commander turned back to Nigel.

"Nigel, wha-"

He was cut off as another muffin hit him inbetween the eyes again. Red stared at them with a narrow eye yet said nothing, but Nigel swore he saw her upper lip twitch slightly. Once again the Commander choice to ignore Red.

"Nig-"

Once again a muffin hit him between the eyes. The Commander spun on the villain, **"Do you mind?!"**

"Yes. I do."

Nigel couldn't help but gap at the villain, who calmly took a drink of her tea. He always knew she was insane bit this was a new level of insane.

"And why is that?"

Red give the Commander a look that roughly translate into 'your an idiot'.

"Because some idiot is ruining my breakfast."

Nigel and the Commander gapped as the villain glared at the Commander.

"**God, Red! Do you have any idea who you're taking to?"** Nigel questioned causing Red to roll her eye.

"I know who he is, Tux. I just don't care."

Red ignored their gaping in favour of her taking a bit of another muffin she had grabbed from the basket next to her.

"And why do you keep hitting me with muffins?"

"Cause you keep trying to poke holes in Nigel's logic."

The Commander's left eye twitched.

**"What logic?!"**

This time Nigel was certain that he saw Red smile before she hid it behind her glass of tea.


	16. Private Age: 11 and a half- 13

Private Age: 11 1/2

Red stood in Private's doorway as she watched her son sleep. It hurt to know that it was only a matter if time until they would be separated and there was no doubt in Red's mind that they would be. Rockgut was back, after all, with only one goal in mind: throwing Red back into prision. Honestly,Red was thankful he had waited this long to hunt her down as it had given her a chance to actually raise her son.

"You'll look after him. Won't you, Tux?"

She knew he was standing behind her, having moved there with his usual grace and the sigh only proved it. They both knew Red's time was limited and the limit was rapidly approaching.

"I'll do my best, Red. I promise."

"I'll hold you to that."

* * *

A week later, Red went out to pick up groceries. They fount her groceries with her wallet tucked inside the bag a mile from Nigel's cottage. She did not return.

* * *

A month went by with no signs of Red or Rockgut. Red was declared MIA and Rockgut was believed to be KIA. After many talks it was decided that Private would stay with Nigel as the Count returned to Russia with Dylan.

Private took Red's disappearance the hardest. Nigel often caught him sleeping by the back door, waiting for Red to walk in- she outright refused to use the front door- or in Red's appointed room.

When Private turned twelve, Nigel signed him up for the Academy. It was there he would meet the Agents he would consider to be the brothers he had never had.

* * *

Private Age: 13

Nigel smiled as he watched Private work with his 'brothers' from the Main Office. The four worked together like a well oiled machine.

"Do you think we should tell him?"

The Commander questioned from his spot in the Headmaster's chair, causing Nigel to briefly glance at him before smirking.

"No." He glanced down at the file in his hands and more importantly the picture within it. "If you tell the Lad now he'll be on the first flight to America before you could say 'Dollies'. Let the Lad make some attachments first. I'll personally deal with this."

Once again Nigel glanced down at the picture:

The image if a smirking red hair woman with an eyepatch stared back at him.


	17. -America-

-America-

Red glared at Nigel, who sat across from her with that Damn annoying smile.

"You signed my son up for the Academy?"

Nigel nodded as he took a sip of his tea. Not really worried about Red who looked ready to reach across the table and strangle him with her bare hands. Honestly, if anything, Nigel thought that Red's anger was quiet the turn-on, but he dared not say it to her. He'd rather not be neutered with a rusty, jagged old spoon, thanks.

"Calm down, Red. No one but me and the Commander know he's your kid. As far as everyone is concerned he's just my nephew."

Red closed her lone eye and took a steading breath. No one knew, Private was safe. For now, at least.

"And if he graduates?"

Nigel smiled as that gold-ish-amber eye pierced him.

"I'll personally see to it that he stays with his current unit and is sent somewhere remotely safe."

After a moment Red nodded, she knew it was the best Nigel or anyone could dare to offer. Before they could speak anymore, the waiter brought the check. Red reached for her wallet to pay, only for Nigel to firmly yet gently grab her arm.

"Don't worry about it, I got it."

Red went to protest but Nigel grabbed the check and headed for the cashier. Red watched him from the table, wishing that she could figure out what exactly went on in Nigel's head.

Nigel finished paying and upon seeing Red watching him with that calculating gaze, smile. A true smile that Red had never seen on him before. Red quickly looked away, trying to figure out how exactly Nigel's smile had lighten up the whole room.


	18. Confused Feelings

Red silently walked down the deserted pathway, only the moonlight to light her way. She didn't mind as she wasn't really paying much attention to anything but her current issue:

Trying to figure out what the hell Nigel did to her.

She couldn't explain it but she had felt strange ever since their luncheon meeting. And for the life of her, she just couldn't figure out why. He didn't go near the food as it prepared so he couldn't have drugged it. So what had changed?

Why did her heart feel as if it was going to burst out of her chest?

Maybe she needed a doctor?

Maybe she was ill?

No.

Neither seemed right, so what else was there?

Frowning, Red narrowed her good eye. It wasn't drugs or poison and she wasn't sick. Think, Think. What else is there?

... Maybe... Maybe she just really... Nah, it couldn't be. Could it? If so why now? Then again, why not now?

Nodding to herself, Red smiled. She knew what was wrong. It was so simple and obvious now that she actually thought about it. Satisfied with her conclusion Red began to hum softly.

_Maybe. Just Maybe, a she wanted to kill Nigel._

* * *

Nigel plopped down onto his hotel bed with a soft sigh. Of all the people in the universe why did he have to fall for the one he knew would never even consider giving him a second glance? Not in that way at least. He never meant foe it to happen, it just did. Not that he did anything to stop it either.

He should have fought her when he fount her. Twisted her new friends from her, used them against her, but he didn't. Instead he had invited her to have lunch with him and to his surprise, she agreed. It was obvious she did not trust him and for good reason.

How many times did he tear her from whatever life she created for herself?

How may times did he try to throw her in the worst of prisons, knowing she would never see the sunlight again?

How many times has he tried to plain out murder her?

How Many Times had he wrapped his fingers around that frail neck and squeezed while watching that gold-ish-Amber eye dim? Hoping to extinguish that burning flame within it for good?

How many times had she saved his life only for him to stab her on the back? Quite literally on several different cases.

How many times had he sworn he would personally kill her or die trying?

Nigel gave a mournful groan as he hurried his face into one of the bed's fluffy pillows. He was doomed for heartbreak, wasn't he? A snowball had a better chance in hell then he had of her actually loving him.

_Why, of everyone in the universe, did he have to fall in love with Red?_


	19. It's Not Fair

Nigel stared at the innocently wrapped package on his desk for a moment before sighing. It was probably another gift from his ever growing fan club. The very idea caused Nigel to shiver in fear as he carefully picked it up before tossing it out his version's patio window. He closed the window and headed back to bed. He never heard the loud explosion outside or a man shouting about his car.

Red glared at Nigel's window from her car. She had been soon close. Narrowing her eye, she drove past the man moaning about his car. Time for Plan B.

* * *

Red forced a smile at the man who worked for room service, with a nametag reading Clark, as she handed over a tray of cookies.

"Don't worry Ma'am, I'll make sure he gets them."

Red was tempted teamwork but kept up her smile.

"Thank you."

Clark sighed as he made his way to the requested man's room. God, why didn't any hot women bake him sweets? His stomach growled as the aroma hit him. He hadn't eaten last night having been far too tired and he had run late this morning causing him to miss breakfast. He stared at the plate of good. Just one couldn't hurt, right?

Willing to risk it as the hall was deserted, Clark picked up a cookie and took a bit before moaning in bliss at the chewy,melt in your mouth sanitation. A moment later the tray hit the ground followed by a heavy thud.

* * *

Nigel couldn't help but feel as if someone was out to get him. He didn't know why bit he just and most of the time that feeling was right. He was on his way to his car when he saw a woman drop her groceries and went to help, he had just handed her back her bags and was about to retrieve her buggy which had slowly made its way to his car. It gently tapped the vehicle before both went up in a blazing flame of glory.

* * *

Red felt like curling up and crying as she scratched out Plan M. It wasn't fair that Nigel apparently had the Devil's Luck.

Why? She wasn't asking for much.

All she wanted to do was kill him.

Red returned to her current home around midnight, exhausted. She sulked as she made her way into the kitchen only to freeze at what she saw. Her kitchen counter was coveted in white roses and with them was a single note written in emerald green ink with a similar elegant writing style. It was short, consisting of only four words:

_To: Red_

_Love,_

_Nigel_

Red stared for a moment wondering what sort of mockery this was. Was he openly taunting her? Red's eye narrowed.

"Damn you, Nigel!"


	20. Let Go!

"You know I'm beginning to think you want to kill me."

Red's eye twitched but the knife against Nigel's throat never wavered. Beginning? Seriously she had been trying to kill him for almost a year and he only noticed now?

"What could have possible given you such an idea?"

Scarasm laced the villain's voice as she resisted the urge to hit him.

"Was it the letters I sent clearly stating: I want to kill you or the multiple times I tried?!"

Nigel just laughed looking a bit embarrassed.

"Well, actually to be honest... I kind of thought those were your own ways of showing affection."

"You know, I would be doing the world a huge favor if I just killed you now. What the hell type of logic is that?!"

Nigel didn't answer but was instead staring at her with a serious look on his face that was slowly replaced by understanding. Finally!

"Oh Red, you never had any hugs as a child, did you?"

Wait, what?! What the hell did hugs have to do with anything? Especially her trying to kill him?

"Wha-"

In a swift movement, the knife was knocked from her hands and she fount herself being squeezed tightly against Nigel's chest. She squirmed in his grip

**"LET GO OF ME, YOU IDIOT!"**

"Sshhh, it's okay. Maybe if someone had hugged you as a child, you wouldn't be like this."

"What do you mean 'like this'? There's nothing wrong with me!"

"Oh course there isn't and you don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

"Nigel,** LET GO!"**

"**NEVER!** You need hugs to make up for the ones you never had as a child!"

Red's eye twitched dangerously.

**"I DON'T WANT YOUR HUGS, TUX! I WANT YOU TO LET GO OF ME AND DIE!"**


	21. Not a Pillow

It had been a long time since Red could honestly say she slept a whole night in comfort. Usually she was too wound up to so, always expecting some sort of attack if she if she lowered her guard. Yet right at that moment all she felt was warm and safe. The bed was soft, the covers kept her warm and her pillow was perfect, even if it did seem as if it was ever so slightly moving...

Wait, when did pillows move?

Ever so slowly, she lifted her head from the pillow and look. Only to violently throw herself off the bed a moment later, taking the covers with her. That was no pillow, it wasn't even close.

* * *

Nigel chuckled softly as he stared down at the mass of cover on the floor. A smooth voice could be heard underneath them, proving it's vast knowledge in swears in multiple languages. It was an adorable sight really, especially when Red sat up, causing the covers to drape from her shoulders. That combined with the 'What-the-Hell' look made her look like an oversized kitten causing Nigel to laugh at her open horrified confusion.

Finally he managed to get a hold of himself, Nigel smiled.

_"Good Morning Red, sleep well?"_

Before his eyes Red paled even more than usual, a feat Nigel didn't think was possible, until she almost looked like a ghost. The horror in that lone eye grew as she tries to speak but no words came out.

"Red?"

...

"Red, you don't look so good. Maybe you should lay back down?"

...

"Ello, anyone in there?"

Then Red did the one thing Nigel never expected.

**Thud!**

Her lone eye rolled into the back of her head and she fainted. Instinctly, Nigel panicked.

**"Red!"**


	22. Thoughts of the Unknown

Red gave a soft groan as she came to that oh so horrible. Nightmare in the back of her mind. Slowly she opened an eyes and sighed in relief, never before had she been so thankful to wake alone. It was just a dream. Well, a nightmare was more like it but it wasn't real.

She was tempted to laugh, oh course it wasn't real. Why would she and Nigel ever share a bed? He hated her and vic-versa, they always were trying to kill each other. Why did she even dream such an impossible thing?

Relaxing both her strained muscles and nerves, the villain slipped back under the covers with a small smile. Just a nightmare.

She was alone.

For some reason that thought caused a brief pain in her chest but she swiftly brushed it away.

There was nothing wrong with being alone. Being alone meant she was safe. There was no one to hurt or betray her when she wad alone. She was safest when she was alone...

So why did the very thought hurt so much?

Red silently laid on bed musing on it but the answer kept evading her. She just couldn't understand why the thought of being alone hurt so much. With a frustrated sigh, Red forced the musings from her mind. It probably wasn't too important anyway.

* * *

Nigel sighed as he wondered if leaving while Red slept had really been such a good idea. Sure he had locked the door and paid for the room, but maybe he should have stayed? At least until she woke and then maybe they could...

No! Nigel shook his head, banishing the very thought. Red was am independent and strong willed woman. She would have killed him if she could figure out what was going on in his head. Such thoughts about her would have got him neutered if she knew he was thinking about them.

Thank God she couldn't read minds...

She couldn't, right?

Nervously he glanced at hid apartment door, half expecting her to bust in. When she didn't the spy sighed in relief before laughing at himself for thinking such a thing. It was ridiculous.

**KNOCK! KNOCK!KNOCK!**

With a terrified noise, Nigel jumped to his feet staring at the door on horror. Oh, God she could!

**"I SWEAR I WASNT THINKING IT, RED!"**

There was a brief pause then a man's voice.

"Sir?"

Nigel stared at the door as the voice registered. That wasn't Red. He laughed nervously in both relief and embarrassment.

"Who is it?"

The voice still sounded confused as it answered.

"Room service, sir. I have your breakfast."

Diffently not Red.

"Coming."


	23. A Day Best Left Alone

Red knew she shouldn't drink alone, but she just didn't care. Not today at least. Siting in her dark corner of the old tavern, Red nursed a bottle of Russian Whiskey as if it was a newborn child.

Today and just today she planed to get completely wasted. Just for today she wanted to forget everything and drown herself in the bottle.

No pain.

No regrets.

No sorrow.

No mourning.

And most importantly, No memories.

Just the numbness that she always allowed to consume her on this day- the day her brother was murdered.

She was doing a swell job of it too until THEY showed up.

Red scolded but didn't bother moving from her spot as the two Special Agents made their way to the old bartender. She saw them show the man a picture before he gestured her towards her direction. Two set of eyes immediately locked on her table: one a startling crimson and the other a hard emerald green. She knew she should probably leave then but she was there first and if they had a problem with it- oh well.

Determined to Ingore the two Agnets, Red paid them no mind as they stood opposite of her.

"Red."

She continued to Ingore them in favour of the precious liquid in her hands. She didn't pay them any mind when they sat down at her table and tried to get her attention again.

"Red Squirrel."

The sharp tone almost made Red snort. Did they honestly think Squirrel was her last name? She chuckled at the very thought, never noticing the two share a look.

"Red, I think you had enough."

A hand reached for the bottle, but Red wasn't having it as she yanked the bottle closer to her with a snarl.

" Mine got voir ovn."

Both her Russain accent and drunken slur butchered her words but a he was pretty sure the message was clear as a sunny day sky.

* * *

Nigel sighed as he shared a worried glance with Rockgut, this was the first time either had seen Red at a tavern. Let alone inhaling Whiskey like it oxygen for a suffocating man.

Once again Nigel fount himself trying to take the mostly empty bottle from the Russian Villain, only to almost have his hand stabbed with a knife by an irritated Red. Where she got the. Knife was beyond Nigel as he had been certain only empty bottles had been stacked on the table.

"Von ore time, I 'are ya."

Nigel sighed, it seems they would be doing this Rockgut's way after all.

* * *

If there was one thing Buck Rockgut never wanted to do again it was trying to get a bottle of Whiskey from a mostly drunken Red. The woman was ferocious as Hell itself on a regular basics but when drunk she could send Hell running for safety.

Buck glanced into the back seat mirror with his swollen eye at the Russian, who was fast asleep on Nigel's backseat. The British spy's jacket being used as a blanket. Nigel himself we driving, having suffered the lesser of their injuries.

Now that they had the villain neither knew what to do as it didn't fell eight to turn Red over while she was in such a state but it had been too dangerous for everyone to just leave her at the tavern.

So after a brief talk and driving around for a while, they decided to rent a room for the night. Getting the room was easy. Getting Red up there without waking anyone else wasn't especially seeing as she stirred every time they tried to pick up the underweight villain. And neither was willing to risk waking her up.

He and Nigel were considered a lot of thing but suicidal was not one of them.


	24. Private

Private

Private had to admit he Probally wasn't the sanest person at Tue Academy, but then again who could possible be consider save after being raised by two Penguin Enemy Number Ones? Don't get him wrong he loved his Mother and Grandfather but after being raised by the two Private fount he thought a bit differently then the other Penguins did. Yet he did as while was taught and deceived the other Penguins into believing he wad like them if not weaker.

He carried around the Lunacorn his Mother gave him as a child and acted naive to the world and the cruel truths it held. Many fell for his act and called him a Nancy-Cat but there was one group that didn't. Maybe because they were also different, who knows? But they seemed determined to find the true him. Yet Private was too good at holding up his act and as time went by he fount himself making a strange alliance with the goup and as time went by most of them seemed to forget that Private was hidding his true self. It was easier for them to accept his mask as his real self. Yet not Skipper, the paranoid penguin was determined to one day be the one to unmask the real Private and whatever dark secrets he was hiding.

He reminded Private of Buck Rockgut, always putting his nose in where it didn't belong. Chuckling softly, Private locked his dorm's door. If Skipper was Rockgut, then he must be Mother. Except this time the Villain wad hiding in plain sight. Mother would no doubt get a good laugh out of this. The Academy, bent on raising Penguin Agents to stop villains, had a Sova in it and no one but Nigel knew. If they had they would have thrown Private into the darkest cell they could find as every one knew, only a Sova could be Penguin Enemy Number One.


	25. Private- Academy Bullies

Bullies were a part of life, that Private knew. No matter where you went there would always be this idiot wanting to flex his muscles and prove he was better than anyone else. He didn't really mind bullies as he knew he was superior and refused to lower himself to their level. He was content to Ingore them until one brought up his Mother. Instanctly Private froze and spoke in an icy cold voice.

"What did you say?"

The Leader of the bullies smirked.

"You heard me. Your Mother's a slut. Everyone knows how you don't have a Father and your Mother is never around. I bet she abandoned you for a new boyfriend."

Now Private prided himself for not losing his temper easily, but NO ONE insulted his Mother and got away with it. His eyes turned to ice as he moved to face the bullies, dropping his bag at his feet.

* * *

Nigel sighed as he finally fount Private. The boy stood surrounded by bodies of some of the Academy's more violent gang. Some of the downed cadets where moaning in pain, some weren't even moving and all were covered in bruises and blood with limbs in positions that were not natural. Yet somehow Private didn't have a drop of blood or a single bruise on him. Nigel watched as his nephew picked up his bad, kicking a boy in the family jewels before walking Nigel's direction.

Nigel sighed, at times it was easy to forget Private had been raised by Red and The Count, but at times it was painfully obvious. Like now for example.

"Do I want to know?"

Private gave him a glance as he kept walking past Nigel. He opened the door before speaking.

"He called Mom a slut. "

Nigel waited for the door to shut before kicking the same boy in his Family Jewels before pausing in thought and doing it again.

"Insult Red again and I'll kill you and that's a promise."


	26. Nigel -The Edinsburgh Capture part 1

In all honesty Nigel never expected to run into Red at Edinsburgh but he knew he couldn't just pretend he never saw her. Espically not when she was in the middle of an assassination on a high ranking Council Member that Nigel was sent to protect.

He had to give her credit though, she had it all planed out perfectly to commit the murder and frame it on a foreign diplomat. If Nigel hadn't been there he was certain she would have been successful too. Still he had been and had managed to catch her right before she could pull the trigger.

Her lone eye seemed to glow with a furrious anger as she attacked him with a vengeance. Once again starting their deadly dance.

Honestly, Nigel had expected Red to escape like she always did. He swung a metal pole at her head, expecting her to duck but she didn't. Instead she coughed violently and the pole hit her right aside the temple of her head. She crumpled to the ground like a puppet without it's string. Nigel dropped the pole in shock and rushed to the Russian's side. Luckily she was still alive, just knocked out cold...

... And running a high fever, Probally what had slowed her reactions.

Nigel easily lifted up his arch-nenemis' and secret crushed, startled by how underweight she felt. Red had obviously been forgotten to eat again. Sighing, Nigel shrugged off his jacket and wrapped it around the villain, trying it like a straight jacket- just in case she woke suddenly. Afterwards he left the building and headed for his car ignoring the chaos behind him. There was no more danger now that he had Red so he had no need to stay.


	27. Nigel- The Edinsburgh Capture Part 2

Nigel smirked as his life long nenemis glared at him from where she was tied up. Honestly, Nigel had interned to turn the villain over to MI6 but an unsuspected blizzard had blown in and he ended up dragging the villain to his hotel. Now they just sat in silence, Red glaring at him with both boredom and hatred.

It didn't bother him as he was used to such glares as Red only ever showed two modes around him:

Insane Maniac bent on World Domanotin

And

'I hope you die a slow, painful death' .

Right now, Red was in the second mode. If Nigel was honest he would have to admit that right now, Red was the very personification of temptation to the spy.

Red untamable hair, skin as pale as snow, a bit battered and a defiant look in that Gold-ish-Amber eye. To make the deal even sweeter, Red was tied up and at his utter mercy.

Nigel loved being in control. At work, on mission, with lovers- he spy hated not having a degree of control over such things. And to have control over Red, now that was something the British Spy always desired, to tame the untamable- even if only for a night.

Nigel licked his suddenly dry lips as he glanced over at Red, who's eye had narrowed dangerously.

It couldn't hurt, could it? Just one night, that's all Nigel needed.

Red narrowed her lone eye as Nigel pulled the Russian to her feet. For a moment, Red glared as Nigel stared at her with a circulating look. It was almost as if he was trying to decide something. And then, without warning, Red fount herself slammed roughly into a wall as hunger lips tried to devour her own. Red's lone eye widened in shock. When something tried slithering into Red's mouth, she bit it causing Nigel to pull back with a frown.

"You bit me."

Red was about to respond when she fount herself lifted off her feet and tossed onto the bed. Instinctively, Red made to get off but it wasn't easy being tied up and she soon fount herself knocked down by Nigel's weight, as the spy pinned the villain to the bed.

Nigel smirked as his emerald eyes shined with a passionate hunger.

"I guess I'll just have to bite you back."


	28. Nigel- The Edinsburgh Capture Part 3

It was early morning when Red woke, body sore and aching. She could feel her pillow moving under her and something gently trailing down her back. Strange, last she recalled her pillow was a bit stiff and didn't move and her covers never tickled her back. Slowly her mind began to wake up and Red stilled as memories from the night before hit her.

That wasn't her pillow and cover was it?

She opened her eyes and felt herself stop breathing, that was no pillow. She glanced up and fount herself looking into the Emerald Eyes of her life long nenemis. Nigel smiled, looking more satisfied and happy then Red had ever seen him before.

"Morning Love. Sleep well?"

* * *

Nigel rubbed his black eye as he watched Red fix her eyepatch into place. Well at least he knew where Private got his brutally violent tendencies from.

Despite the brutal beating he had gotten from the furious Russian, Nigel couldn't bring himself to regreat his spur of the moment actions. If anything, it was well worth it and he would gladly take a hundred more breakdowns for another night with the villain.

* * *

"Private's graduating soon."

Nigel spoke softly but it had the desired effect as Red froze, her hand on the doorknob.

"He wants you too be there when he does."

Honestly Red wanted to be there too but she knew she couldn't, as Penguin Enemy Number One every Penguin Agent knew what the Red Squirrel looked like and would be constantly on gaurd.

"You know I can't and you know why. "

Nigel raised an eyebrow,

"Has that ever stoped you before? I'm sure if you really want too you'll find a way. And if not, I'll be there that way he's not alone."

Red's grip tightened on the doorknob as silence consumed the room. A moment later she opened the door and walked out. Nigel sighed softly as the door softly clicked shut.


	29. Private- Graduation Suprise

"Private Tux. "

The polite clapping followed the HeadMaster's voice and said teen, nervously fount himself making his way on stage. From the corner of his eye he could Uncle Nigel smiling proudly but no matter how much he looked he could not find his Mother.

Disappointed but not all that surprised, Private shook the HeadMaster's hand and turned to give the crowd a salute, as was tradition. Mid-salute he froze as he noticed something he hadn't before: a woman in a brilliant crimson dress and trench-coat stood, mostly hidden by shadows, by herself in the very back of the room.

Private couldn't stop the large smile from coming to his face as his blue eyes shined. He knew that face, he had seen it most of his life after all.

It seems Mother made it after all.

* * *

Red shifted uncomfortably in her dress as she watched Private smile brightly. Part of her wanted to laugh at the sheer irony of a Sova graduating from the Penguin Academy but another part of her was filled with pure parental pride. Seeing Private again was well worth wearing the monstrosity that woman called a dress and the icing of the cake was that no Penguin even recognized her as they all- minus Nigel and Rockgut- thought the Red Squirrel was a man.

**"Mom!"**

Red couldn't help but laugh as she was tackled by Private, who was still smiling that hundred watt smile of his. She didn't really care if anyone was staring, with strength that surprised several watching Red lifted her son up and hugged him tightly. God she had missed him.


	30. Skipper- Suspicion

Private Tux was a mystery wrapped in mysteries and it greatly annoyed Skipper. At times the boy was kind, gentle and a bit naive but at other times he was cold and calculating. Skipper had spent the last six years trying to figure out the British boy but had yet to succeeded. At ties he thought he had the boy hidden out but then some new angle would show itself and he'd have to reevaluate everything he thought he knew. It was for this reason that he was watching Private and the woman he called "Mom" closely. There was something strangely similar about the woman but he couldn't place what exactly. Skipper narrowed his eyes at the two, one day he would uncover all the secrets surrounding Private Tux but until then he needed to keep an eye on the boy.

* * *

Nigel moved swiftly through the crowd looking for Private. When he finally fount his nephew Nigel couldn't keep the bright smile from his face. It seems Red did find a way after all. Though he had to admit he never expected the Villain to wear a dress or as she called them "tents". Happy that the Russian didn't seem to notice him yet Nigel pulled out this camera and snapped a quickly picture of the duo.

He'd have to hide the picture least Red finds out about it and tears both him and the photo to bits. Nigel pocketed his camera and smiled at the two. It was times lime this that made it hard to remember Red was Penguin Enemy Number One, a dangerous villain hell bent on controlling the world. It just wasn't possible to even consider it after seeing that smile on her face... not that Nigel would ever tell that to Red. He liked living thank you very much.


	31. Home Again

Red would never admit to it but she had missed her Son. She couldn't help but smile as she and Private worked on cleaning up the old Base that had served as their home so many years ago. All they needed now was the Count and it would be a full home again. Red had called up the retired villain, ready to argue her point bit there was no need.

_"Me and Private are at the Old Home, we want you to-"_

_"I'll be there in two hours."_

He cut on not even letting her finish asking. And true to his word, Count Victor von Sova arrived within two hours on the family's private jet. It took them only thirty minutes to settle the Mad Owl back into his old room and pretty soon, it was as if they had never left. Still, they all knew this couldn't last forever. Both villains knew that soon, Private- who had finally gotten his first true taste of solitude and aventure- would leave.

Yet Red and the Count refused to allow their minds to linger on the thought, when Private was ready to strike out on his own, they would do their best to support him and see to it that he knew how to survive the world:

_Sova Style._


	32. Private- Christmas Special

Private couldn't help but sigh as he watched his Mother and Grandfather rush around in attempts to decorate the Base. It was nice that they were getting into the holiday spirit except...

...well... they weren't exactly making the best choices on decorations. And that was putting it nicely. Grandfather was feathers while Mother hanged acorns and both would have been perfectly fine.. if that was all it was and not really weapons such as smoke-bombs, explosives, and sleeping glass containers.

The two just didn't seem to understand th st Christmas was about peace, love and care. Not a trap into luring them into a false sense of security so someone could attack them. Still, at least they were trying. Private would give the two credit for that.

* * *

Red wasn't fond of crowded places yet here she was sitting in a dark crowded room, all so her son could watch grown men make fools of theirselves by pretending to be Lunacorns skating on ice. She felt utterly ridiculous just watching them and was tempted to blow the place sky high but Private seemed to enjoy it and that hundred watt smile make her suffering well worth it.

* * *

"Vodka!"

"Whiskey!"

**"Vodka!"**

**"Whiskey!"**

"How about neither."

The two world renown villains froze before turning to the doorway. Private sighed as he stared at the two sheepish looking Villains and the bottles in their hands. Private crossed his arms over his chest and gave them a firm look.

"No one is spiking anything so go put those away. Now."

The two slumped and mumbled something as they left the kitchen. Once again Private sighed, he loved those two dearly but someone had to ensure they didn't do something utterly stupid.


	33. Buck Rockgut- Christmas Special

Buck Rockgut was used to spending holidays alone ever since the freak accident that had killed his old team so long ago. He sighed as he sat in his favorite chair and stared longingly at an old photo of the very last Christmas his team had spent together. Those had been the days, but now they were long gone and the only living proof of them ever happening was himself and his Arch Nemesis, The Red Squirrel. His sulking and longing for the old days were interrupted by a soft knock on his door.

At first he chose to Ingore the knock and hope it went away but it didnt.

Knock.

**Knock.**

**KNOCK! **

Finally he grew annoyed and climbed to his feet.

"I'm coming!"

Yes he was coming... coming to put his foot up someone's rear for disturbing him. He flung his door open only for his furious yell to due on his lips.

Standing in his doorway was an all too similar person dressed up at Santa Clause. The Russian smirked at him, that lone eye shining with mischief.

"Red, what the Hell are you doing in a Santa outfit?"

That smirk grew.

"Well if you must know, it's Christmas, so it seemed right to do it this way."

Slowly Red's words registered and his eyes narrowed.

"Do what? "

That smirk grew even more before Red chuckled softly.

"Oh nothing much... Just this "

Without so much as a warning, Buck Rockgut fount himself trapped inside the large red present bag, Red had been carrying. He could hear Red whistling as she Ingores his yells, struggles and threats.

* * *

When Nigel arrived Red was out running a quick errand. The spy shook his head as he stared at the decorations and reached his hand into his own pocket. He had his own piece of decoration waiting just for Red. It was small but it would hopefully be able to help with his goal for the night. When Red finally arrived again, Nigel couldn't help but stare at the eyepatch wearing Santa with a large cursing back thrown over her shoulder. The voice from the bag was strangely similar, but surely Red wouldn't have gone to America solely for that...

...oh, who wad he kiding? Of course she would. He watched Red lock the door before moving to the dinning roon and dumping her toy bag to the floor. A moment later, a familiar person was climbing out of the bag, crimson eyes glaring at the Russian Santa.

It seemed that Red had ideed dressed up as an eyepatch wearing Santa and flew to America on her family's private jet solely to kidnap Special Agent Buck Rockgut with a toy bag.

The very idea made Nigel laugh.

* * *

Buck Rockgut stared in disbelief at his Arch Nemesis as she held out a chair at a table for him. Christmas dinner had already been set up and everyone else had fount their seats with no trouble at all. Now everyone was staring at him, waiting for him to sit among them. Slowly he sat down before Red pushed in his chair and took her own seat by the Count and her Son. It felt strange to be Siting there, having a true Christmas Dinner amongst other but at the same time it felt nice and soon every one had fallen into a pattern of happy smiles and friendly talking.

He may not agree with how Red had done it, but he was thankful he wasn't spending Christmas alone for a change. Instead he was with the messed up group that made up his whacked up Family.


	34. Nigel- Christmas Special

Red smiled as she watched Private sleep soundly between Rockgut and The Count, it was adorable in all honesty and Red couldn't help but take a few pictures. What could she say, being a Mother had diffently got to her, it also didn't help that the photos had another advantage by serving as Blackmail against Rockgut and The Count. Mother or not she was still The Red Squirrel and there was no way in Hell would she let such an oppurtinty slip through her fingers. Red pocketed the camera before placing covers over the three, her fond smile never slipping. She kissed Private on the forehead before moving away from the trio, careful not to step on any of her son's new presents.

Satisfied with her work, Red slipped out of the room and towards her own bedroom.

* * *

Nigel was comfortable. He had no idea where he was or how he got there but that didn't really matter. He was warm and comfortable, surrounded in the fuzzy softness, nothing could possible get him to move.

"What the Hell are you doing in my bed, Tux?!"

Except that.

* * *

Red was not amused, not in the very least. She had fully intended to go dirrectly to bed but what she hadn't couldn't on was a half drunk Tux being in her bed. Honestly, she wasn't very happy about it. That was her bed and more importantly, her spot on the bed.

"Move."

* * *

Nigel couldn't help but feel a sense of satisfaction as Red helped support him to the free bedroom while mumbling to herself. Part of him wondered if he should point out that he could still hear her but thought better of it, he didn't want to ruin Red's good mood while she was still angry with him. He wasn't stupid enough to draw the Russian's wrath down on him at a time like this. As they entered the Guest Room, Nigel noticed something that caused him to grin.

"Red?"

Gold-ish-Amber eyes locked on him in annoyance.  
"What is it, Tux?"

"Look up."

Red could feel her annoyance growing but decided to humor the Spy and glanced up only to freeze. Right above them, hanging innocently from the doorframe, was a small piece of mistletoe tied to a small string. How she had missed it before was beyond Red, but now that she was standing underneath it, the small plant was all to unmistakable.

"Mistletoe. You know what that meant, right?"

Red looked blankly at the Spy to see the older smiling at her in his every so charming way. Yes, she knew what Mistletoe meant but he didn't honestly expect her to follow that rule, did he?

Appearantly the answer was yes.

Arms slipped around the Russian's waist before she was suddenly pulled closer to the spy and a set of soft lips pressed against her own. Red froze in disbelief as her mind tried to piece together what exactly was happening before decideding that just this once it really didn't matter. Yanking Nigel closer by his shirt, Red deepened the kiss, trying to devour the spy as he returned the favor.

Neither broke away until both their lungs decided to remind the two that yes, they still needed oxygen. Parting, the two tried to catch their breathes but didn't bother pulling away from the other.

"Red?"

"Hhmm?"

Nigel lightly kissed the villain again but broke away after a few moments.

"Merry Christmas."

Red couldn't help but smile at the spy.

"Merry Christmas, Nigel."

* * *

Later, Red would blame it all own the Vodka but for now, she was content to stay in the safety of Nigel's arms.


	35. Private's Departure

There came a time in every young teenager's life when they had to make a choice. It was a choice many made when growing up, a choice that many parents dreaded:

The Choice to finally leave Home... Permanently.

Red knew it had been coming for years, ever since her and Private had been separated all those years ago. So se wasn't all that surprised when Private came down to the kitchen one morning with a firm look in his eyes.

"Mom. Grandpa. I think its time I moved out, on my own."

"I agree." Red spoke movements afterwards.

"But Mom, I'm old- Wait. What?"

Red chuckled softly as her Son's startled and bewildered look, it was obvious that he had expected her to protest against such a thing. No doubt he had rehearsed a speech on why she should let him go out on his own. Shame she wouldn't hear it.

"I said, 'I agree'."

Red repeated a bit slower so that here would be no misunderstandings.

* * *

Private stared at his Mother in open disbelief.

She agreed?

Just like that?

Honestly, it had been the last thing he ever expected his Mother to say. He had steeled himself to be shot down in a heartbeat of getting his suggestion out not for her to agree. At least not without him having to persuade her and make a million and one promises

Hell, he had spent all night coming up with a speech to convince her for when she shot him down.

Yet she didn't.

She agreed.

She actually agreed.

"I...but...you."

Private cleared his throat and after a moment, tried again.

"You agree?"

Red nodded with an amused smile playing on her lips.

"I do."

"...You're not going to tell me I can't go? That it's too dangerous? That I'm not mature enough?'

"No."

"You're not going to warn me of Badgers waiting to get me? Thieves? Murderers and physcopaths?"

"No."

"Of clowns named IT? Child eating Ice-cream men?"

Red raised an eyebrow at the last two, glancing over at her far too innocent looking Father.

"No, I'm not. I trust you to already know what you should avoid, Private."

* * *

The Count had to admit, Red handled Private leaving much better than he thought she would. She was calm and supportive, smiling even as Private entered his cab for the airport.

She handled the sudden decision much better then he, himself, had when Red had decided to venture out on her own.

Maybe she wasn't exactly like him after all...

The moment the cab was out of sight, Red's smile vanished and she rushed back into the base in the direction of her lab. Raising an eyebrow, The Count followed his protégé at a slower pace.

He arrived at her lab, just as one of Red's monitor's lit up with a map holding a single blinking dot, that was moving along it in the direction of the airport. He stared for a moment before slowly grinning.

Who was he kidding?

Red was just like him.


	36. Valentines Day Special

Red silently watched as her son barricaded all the entrances and window to the base in a flurry of blurred motions. Honestly she had never seen him move so fast in his life for anything other than a Lunacorn or Peanut Butter Winkie. Yet he usually had a bliss look on his face and not one of utter terror.  
She waited until he finished barricading the front door and was leaning against a dresser she could have sworn was in her lab, panting for oxygen, before she finally spoke up.

"Private?"

* * *

Private jumped at the voice, his eyes momentary widening in terror and gave out an ear-piercing shriek of fright, before he realized exactly was speaking to him.

Thank God, it was just his Mother. For a moment he had thought one of **_Them _**had managed to get inside with him.

A deep blush of embarrassment settle on his face as Red continued to stare at him in obvious worry.

"Private? Is something wrong? You seem a bit...Jumpy."

His blush grew knowing he was being much more then a bit jumpy. Part of him wanted to tell her the truth about what was outside the base but another part of him protested against doing so, not wanting his Mother to think of him as weak.

"I...You see..."

Red raised an eyebrow, patiently waiting for an answer while Private's mind raced, trying to come up with an believable excuse.

"You see, I thought we could spend the day together inside the base... with no possible way for anyone else to get inside."

He looked up at his Mother to find she had her hands crossed in front of her chest and an eyebrow arched in obvious disbelief. He didn't blame her, he hardly believed the words that had came out of his own mouth but still offered her an innocent smile, hoping beyond hope she would just go along with it.

* * *

Red had the feeling she was missing something, something important. She was certain Private was lying, she also was certain she had taught him to lie better then that, but she didn't call him on it. Instead she looked over her son, trying to place what exactly it was that had him looking so terrified.

Same blond hair.

Same blue eyes.

Same Angelic Smile.

Yet there was something off...

...

...

...

Was that? No way in Hell.

"Private?"

"Yes Mom?"

"Why is their lipstick on you shirt?"

Her son's face turned a bright crimson as he mumbled softly under his breath.

Red frowned as she looked closer at her son, just now noticing the light pink smears on his face.

"Private, you know I don't speak mumbles."

Her son's face darkened as he spoke a bit louder.

"The girl's in my class offered me a Valentines Gift and then they tried giving me cooties, so I ran away but they kept following me."

Oh...

That explained the terrified look and way he barricaded the room...

Wait a minute...

"Valentines Day? That's today?"

* * *

Private frowned as he slowly nodded. He knew his Mother sometimes forgot Holidays but why did she sound like that? Glancing up, he found his mother had paled dramatically, lone eye wide in utter terror. It was also glazed over as was usual when she was remembering something not so pleasant.

He begin to worry as he noticed his Mother was trembling and a light precipitation had appeared on her forehead.

"Mom?"

His voice seemed to have snapped her out of it as in a blink of an eye, his Mother had suddenly grabbed him and rushed towards her lab, carrying him like a sack of potatoes. She slammed the door shut behind them before hitting a few buttons on her monitor and he watched as steel plates slide down from the roof, completely covering and enforcing the door.

* * *

The Count having looked up from his current project sighed noticing his protégé's state of Panic and his Grandson's terrified look. It seems he would be spending another Valentines Day on Total Lockdown.


	37. Empty Bird Nest Sydrome

For some reason the Base felt empty without Private around. Red susposed it was due to her having grown accomstomed to her son over the years she and the Count had raised him and now that he was gone...

Though she didn't want to admit to it, Red couldn't deny that she missed him. Now that the house was empty besides her and the Count, Red fount her mind wondering in directions that shouldn't even be allowed.

Empty Nest Syndrome.

Red's was pretty certain that was what she had. Now that Private was gone, she wanted another because she had gotten to used to having a child around.

She didn't like it.

She was the World's Most Wanted Villain.

The Monster told to children in stories to get them to go to listen and behave.

The Vilest of the Vile.

She wasn't supposed to be lonely and wanting another child so there were be that soft patter of feet around the house.

Yet she was and she didn't like it in the least. She needed the feeling to go away.

* * *

The Count watched as his Protégé made her way down to the Labs with a blank emotionless look in her lone eye. He sighed softly, knowing the Russian would probably be down in the Labs for hours, trying to work herself back into her old thought process.

And not one involved around the possibility of another child for her to care for.

Oh yes, he knew exactly what Red was no doubt thinking about. He had went through the same exact phrase when Red had set out on her own.

So he wasn't that worried.

Red would get over it in time and go back to causing havoc and chaos around the world in no time.


	38. Texas

God, it was hot.

Private glanced up at the glaring sun that mericlessly shined down on him as if it was attempting to fry him where he stood and serve him up with a side of melted butter.

He wouldn't be very suprised if it was truly was. Seeing as how this was one of the colder days here in Texas.

At times like this, Private wondered why he ever left the safety of England and came to this land. He had everything he could possible want there.

Friends.

Family.

A home.

A possible career.

Yet what he didn't have was the one thing he wanted more at the time:

Independence.

A sense of going out on his own and doing something without his Mother or Grandfather waiting to get him out of whatever trouble he came across.

Or waiting silently in the shadows to deal with his problems for him.

No offense, he loved his Mother and Grandfather more then he did Lunacorns but he knew he couldn't rely on them forever. He had to do this himself or he would never truly be prepared for the cruelity of the real world.

"Mr. Tux?"

Private's sky blue eyes moved to the sady hair Texain, who had spoke with a clear Texas accent:

Armadillo Kid. The Westren dressed teen motioned to the field before them.

"Its your turn."

With a smirk, Private turned his attention back to the game at hand and brushed his thoughts aside.

He could reminisce later, right now, he had a game to win.


	39. Misinterpretations

Red stared silently at the Count and Nigel as she slowly ate.

For some reason the Count kept giving Nigel these looks and had firmly placed himself between herself and the spy instead of his usual spot at the head of the table. Nigel, on the other hand, looked like he wanted to protest the action but was too busy pouting to do so. Something was diffently going on between the two, making Red wonder weither or not she should be worried or not.

* * *

Red narrowed her lone eye and focused on the two and how they interacted.

Nigel would reach for something- the salt, pepper, napkins- and the Count would instinct grab it and hand it to the spy, something he didn't even do for Red when she was too young to reach the center of the table.

When Nigel grabed something only seconds before the Count, the Count would keep his hand on Nigel's a little longer then necessary before pulling away. Something Red had only seen the Mad Owl do with Agent Dylan.

There conservations seemed to be double meaning yet Red wasn't so sure what the other meaning of the words were. Still the other meaning was making Nigel squirm in his chair and promptly look away from the Count while mumbling something softly.

Something was diffently going on between the two of them but what?

...No way in Hell.

Yet it made sense if Red thought about it.

The Count was doing things for Nigel he'd never do for anyone else besides Dylan.

The way their hands lingered longer then they necessary.

The way Nigel was so embrassed by the double meaning of the Count's word.

It all made perfect sense. The small facts all fit together like a gigsaw puzzle and painted quiet a clear picture for Red.

The more Red thought about it the more certain she became that:

Maybe, just maybe, The Count was secretively seeing Nigel along with Dylan.

Mentally, Red pouted. She had been hoping that she could convince Nigel to help her with a little side project of her's, but now that she knew he was seeing the Count she wouldn't be able to as she refused to steal her Father's Lover from him.

She would never betray him like that.


	40. Seriously?

The Count raised an eyebrow as he watched Red stare him and Nigel before making some excuse and rushing from the room. For some reason she had been doing that lately, rushing off and leaving him alone with Nigel. Part of him didn't really mind as it kept the spy firmly away from his Protege but another part of him couldn't figure out why she kept doing it.

He had obviously overlooked something but what?

Determinded to find out extactly what was going through his Protégé's mind, The Count stood and made his way down to the Labs.

* * *

Red was too busy concentrating on her current project, that she didn't even hear the Count when he entered her Lab. She didn't even hear him when he cleared his throat, hoping to gain her attention.

Finally, after multiple tries, the Count decided to just do what he usually did when Red was too focused on her work to notice others. Marching over to Red's workstation, the Count picked up a bucket he kept in the Lab just for this purpose and dumped it's contents on top of his Protégé.

Red jumped and sputtered as the icy water forced her to come out of her Zone and back to reality while soaking her to the bone. She spun on the Mad Owl, her lone eye blazing furiously as a murderous aruora filled the air.

Knowing the look in her eye quiet well, The Count dropped the bucket before fleeing the lab with his Protégé right on his heel shouting out curses that would make a veteran sailor blush.

* * *

The Count chuckled as his Protege plopped on top of him, looking a bit calmer now then she had previously been. He waited until she made herself comfortable before speaking.

"So..."

Red looked up from where she had buried her face in his chest and meet his gaze.

"So?"

"So what's with you lately? You've been leaving me with Nigel alot lately. Thats not like you, Red."

Red shrugged in response.

"I figured you two would want some time to yourselves. You probally haven't had much lately with everything that's been going on."

The Count blinked.

More time with Nigel? What the Hell was going on in Red's head that she would assume he wanted more time with Nigel?

"Red?"

"Hm?"

"Whay would I want more time with Nigel?"

Red looked at him with her best 'Seriously?' look.

"Well, aren't you two... You Know...Together?"

The Count choked for a moment as he registered Red's words. She seriously thought that him and Nigel were...

No! Oh, Hell no! Nigel young enough to be his son. Sure, the Spy wasn't bad on the eyes but Nigel wasn't even his type.

"No, Red. We're not."

"...Oh."

"Yeah, 'Oh'. How did you even come to that concusion?"

Red shifted slightly but didn't bother getting up.

"Well, You were acting around him like you usually only do around Dylan so I figured..."

The Count sighed. He couldn't really blame her for coming to that conclusion seeing as all the facts pointed to it. He had been doing things for Nigel that he usually wouldn't do for anyone else but Dylan, but not because they were Lovers.

Oh no, he had only been doing it to keep that Damn Spy away from Red.

Still it would be amusing to see the Spy's reaction to Red's theory.

* * *

Nigel stared in open shock at the Count before speaking weakly.

"She thought we were what?"

The Count smirked at the spy, quiet enjoying how the man seemed to have suddenly lost all his constant bravo.

"Together. She thought we were Lovers."

Nigel choked on air as his mind finally registered the man's words.

"Wha? Why?!"

"Well, seeing the way we were acting, It's no suprise that she'd come to that conculsion," Suddenly the Count's smirk grew, "Not to worry, Nigel. I'll take _very_ good care of you from now on. "

Nigel stared at the Ex-Villain before his mind finally decided it had enough and shut itself down.

**Thud!**

The Count could help but crackle madly as he stared down at the unconcious spy.


	41. Her Reason

Red stared at the unconcious spy on the living room floor before sighing softly, The Count was no doubt behind this. It was amusing, Red wouldn't deny that. Still, the least the retired villian could do was place Nigel in a bed or on the couch instead of leaving him on the floor.

Shaking her head, Red lifted the spy off the floor and supported the older to one of the spare bedrooms.

She causally dumped him onto the bed, as she personally didn't care if he fell off or not. Her only real concern was keeping him off her clean floor before he started drooling on it, or something.

* * *

Don't get her wrong, Red cared about Nigel, he was quiet charming in his own way, but she was also a Realist.

She knew that one day Nigel or Rockgut would kill her as was their duty as Penguins, if she did not kill them first at least. She knew getting attached would be a Death Sentence for her and would only cause the Spy the pain of a broken heart and confliction between her and his duty and honor, so Red had promised herself no matter what she would not to get attached.

She would not put him or herself through that.

That way it would be easier for them both in the end.

* * *

Nigel woke in a warm bed, in what he recognized to be one of Red's spare bedrooms. Besides himself the room was empty with only the sound of the AC running to fill the unpunctuated silence.

With a soft sign, Nigel pushed himself into a sitting position, noticing that his clothes had been changed. He no longer wore his black and green suit with the tan jacket but a pair of gray sweatpants with an oversized crimson shirt. Glancing around the room he found his clothing sitting neatly folded on a dresser with his shoes on top of them.

Smiling softly, he climbed out of bed and went for his clothes. Despite how comfortable the pajamas were, he knew he couldn't keep them on forever.

After all, he recognized the shirt as one of Red's favorite to sleep in.


	42. Gone

Today was the day. Nigel took a breath as he straightened out his suit and glanced down at the Red roses in his hand. Today he would finally tell Red the truth about how he felt. For better or for worse, he intended to lay down his heart at the villain's mercy.

Today all his dreams would either come true or Red would stomp his heart into the dust.

Nigel fiddled with his tie a bit longer as he worked up the nerves to ring the doorbell. Biting his lip, Nigel pressed the button and waited.

...

...

...

Finally the door was open but it wasn't his arch nemesis standing in the doorway but the Count. Nigel shifted uneasily as those Golden eyes forced on him with the intensity of a thunderous storm.

"Yes?"

"Is...Is Red home? I need a word with her."

The Count's eyes stayed locked on him causing Nigel to shift uncomfortably.

"...No."

Emerald eyes blinked before focusing on the retired villain.

"Excuse me?"

The Count sighed, briefly closing his eyes as if asking for patience .

"Red. She's not here, Nigel. She left almost two hours ago."

Nigel shifted slightly.

"When is she coming back?"

The Count looked at him, pity shinning in his owl like eyes.

"She's not. Red bought a one way ticket. Don't ask me where, I don't know."

The roses dropped to the ground as Nigel stared at the retired villain, his heart contrasting within his chest. His whole world seemed frozen as it focused solely on the status of the Russian woman he had come to love.

Gone...

She was gone, without a single word. A single goodbye or 'at you leave'.

* * *

Red stared outside the plane widow, watching the cloud below with a sense of detachment.

After living there for so long to raise Private, Red was finally leaving England for good and heading back to America. Part of her felt like she should have told Nigel but she didn't.

Red wasn't good at Goodbyes and she refused to say the word as she had no doubt that she had not seen the last of the British Spy. He would show up again, even if it was years from now and she was on her death bed, of that she was certain of.

She felt more then saw the other passenger sit next to her but chose to ignore the other until she felt a hand on her thigh and a weight against her side.

Lightly fingering the hidden blade up her suit's sleeve, Red turned to glare at the other passenger only to find herself face to face with a familiar face.

Snow white hair, deep blood red eyes, full crimson lips and a red hour glass tattoo at the base of her throat.

The albino woman smiled, pressing her breasts further against the Russian's arm.

"Hello, Red. Long time no see."

"Widow."


	43. Widow

**"Hello, Red. Long time no see."**

**"Widow."**

Widow, Better known as The White Widow, or Penguin Enemy Number Two and the one being that Red purposely tried to avoid no matter what the cost despite being friends when they were younger.

Widow was from an Amazon Tribe of nothing but woman that tried to bed as many people as possible, not caring whether it be a man or woman, when of age but after you slept with them, it was traditional to kill off their partner. If one of the Amazons bore a child it was sent back to the Tribe if it was female, if it was male it was sent to another tribe to be raised to be a servant to the Tribe when it became of age.

Although the Tribe was known for killing their Partners, there was a few that they didn't, those they intended to Mate and Bond with. In other words: Those they intended to join in Marriage. When Widow became of age, she had already had a person in mind on who she wanted to Bond with. After informing the Council that her intended had saved her life before, they had called it a _"Sign from the Gods"_ before giving their Blessings. Unfortunately, that person happened to be her childhood friend, Red von Sova.

Not even Widow learning that Red was a woman seemed to detour her decision, if anything it only made the albino even more prescient to make Red Bond with her.

Left with little to no other choice, Red had stared to avoid Widow like the plague since gently or outright rejecting her didn't seem to work, while doing research on Widow's Tribe.

After much digging, Red had learned that people in Widow's Tribe could only be Bonded on one day out of the Whole Year that they called: _The Day of New Love_, better known to the Outside world as February Fourteenth, Valentines Day. After a few close calls, Red had developed a healthy fear for the Day and tended to lock herself away in her lab when it came. That way she could not wake up one day only to find herself magically married to a woman she only viewed as a Friend, not a Lover.

* * *

Widow had to admit, she was having a good day.

She had bedded two men and three woman just this past week, a new one for each night, before the Penguins had finally begin to catch on that she was in town. So she had bought a plane ticket to America and had managed to board the plane with no issues. She had made her way to her First Class seat, only to find the best prize of all waiting for her, siting in the chair right next to her's:

Red von Sova.

The Russian woman was cloud watching, an old habit of her's, with a detached look on her face. Not having even noticed her when she had enter or probably not even caring. That wouldn't do.

Widow sat down in her seat before placing a hand on the other's thigh and pressing her breasts against the other's arm, putting on her best seductive smile. It didn't take long for Red to glare her way, only to momentarily freeze in surprise.

"Hello, Red. Long time no see."

"Widow."

The reply was soft and calm, a sure sign that Red didn't want to be there, causing the albino to pout as she leaned against the other.

"Don't be like that, Red. I've missed you~. Didn't you miss me as well?"

Red huffed before yanking her arm away.

"I missed you as much as I miss being stabbed."

Widow smiled softly, not taking any insult from Red's icy tone. She knew Red missed her and didn't really hate her. Red loved her, even if the other denied it to the end of time.

Red always denied Love of anything further then friendship and most of the time she denied even that. It was a shame really, but Widow didn't let that turn her away. Red didn't know Real Love so it was natural she would deny it and turn it away without a thought. Red just didn't know what she was missing... Yet.

* * *

Red narrowed her eyes as she stared at the glass in Widow's hand, held out for her. Widow just smiled.

"Vodka, Chilled with a slice of lemon. Just the way you like it."

And it was, which Red wasn't sure if she shouldn't be weary about how Widow knew that or not, seeing as she had never drunken Vodka around the other. Red slowly took the glass and lightly held it between her hands.

"Stalking me again?"  
Window smiled.

"Stalking such a degrading term. I prefer to call it,_ first hand tactical researching_."

Red raised an eyebrow before giving her a look you usually reserved for something she found disbelieving.

"In other words: Yes?"

"Preciously."

After insuring it wasn't poisoned or at least any more then it should be, Red took a sip from the glass, choosing to ignore Widow's pout at her suspicious nature and brilliant smile at her actually drinking it without making Widow taste test it first.


	44. Young Naive Private

Private smiled as he watched the Lunacorn show, like he did every morning since being assigned to Skipper's team almost two years ago. It was a retuine for him and helped keep up his _'innocent naive Private act'_ that most believed was the real Private.

It was sadly amusing how easy it was to fool even Skipper into finally trusting him enough not to be openly stalking him where ever he went, like he had prevously done. Part of Private felt amsued while another part felt a tad bit guilty. He was decieving them, but it wasn't like he had any other choices.

Skipper would have him Court Marshaled and Imprisoned if he knew the truth. If he was lucky, he would be executed swiftly, if not...

They would, no doubt, slowly toture him for any and all imformation he had about his Mother and whatever plans she may have. And then they would realize that Nigel was in on it as well seeing as his Uncle had signed him into the Academy under his own last name. Nigel would be branded a traitor for not telling them the truth about Private's heritage and they have him arrested and executed. Even Buck Rockgut would be at risk for keeping the secret.

That was something Private couldn't allow. His family and their lives depended on his ability to keep up the deception. So that's exactly what he would do. For better or for worse, He would continue to be '_young naïve Private'_ while hiding away his True self and his True abilities.

* * *

Skipper smiled as he watched young Private began to sing along with the Lunacorn Theme Song. The younger Penguin was rocking side to side, obviously enjoying himself.

It was times like this that Skipper wondered exactly why he ever suspected the younger of purposely hiding something while they had been at the Academy.

Of course, Private had been hiding something but it hadn't be Evil or Dangerous like Sipper had first thought. Instead, Private had been hiding his Childish, Lunacorn Loving, Naïve self. Although, now that the younger was part of his Team, Private had no more reason to hid behind a tough act in solitude.

Naïve, or not, Private was part of his Team now. His Family.

And if it turned out Private was hiding some dark secret, well...

Everyone had a closet of skeletons hidden away somewhere. If it ever became needed, Skipper would help Private clean his out.

After all, that's what Brothers were for.


	45. Arrival

Widow chuckled softly as Red curled up in her seat, trying to find the perfect position to sleep in, her empty Vodka glass held tightly in her hands.

Red had always been good at holding her alcohol but if you gave her just enough, the Russian had a tendency to curl up and drift to sleep no matter where she was or who she was with. The only problem was:

How to get Red to drink that much in the first place?

That was a question that had bothered Widow for years until she finally came up with an answer:

A drinking Contest.

It was so simple yet utterly brilliant. Red's pride would never allow her to back out, she knew she could outdrink most men anyway, outdrink Widow.

Yet Widow had another plan, while Red received glass after glass of their Air Line's strongest Vodka, Widow only received non-alcoholic Sparkling Cider.

If she couldn't beat Red fairly, she would have to do it her own way.

* * *

The plane bounced twice as it hit the runway before finally coming to a complete stop and the passengers were told they could leave. Widow stood before opening the over rack to find a familiar crimson suitcase leaning against the back wall.

Reaching inside, Widow pulled the suitcase out, shaking her head at how light it seemed to be before carefully placing one of Red's arms over her shoulder and helping the Russian stand. The sudden motion caused Red to open her lone eye and mumble something softly as she tried to pull her arm away, but Widow wasn't having it and carefully guided the other to the exit.

* * *

Red could honestly say she wasn't very surprised to wake up within a hotel that she didn't recognize in the least and was defiantly not were she had last fallen asleep.

Tired of laying down, despite how soft the bed was and wanting to leave as soon as possible, Red sat up and stretched before freezing. The covers had fallen into her lap, only to reveal that the Russian was no longer in her trademark suit.

Hell, she wasn't even in pajamas. Instead Red was only in her undergarments:

a white breast binder and a par of crimson men's boxers.

Red could feel her face burning as she swiftly pulled the covers back up to cover herself, mentally cursing the woman she knew was behind this as she climbed out of the Queen size bed in hopes of finding clothing before the albino returned.

Deciding to try the closet first, the Russian Villain opened it only...

THUD.

...For the body of a man with his throat slit to fall at her feet.

Red stared at the pale and bruised body for a moment before stepping over it and pulling out a black suit from the closet rack. It wasn't her usual crimson but it would have to do.


	46. Into the Widow's Web

Red wasn't very suprised to find the doors locked and the windows bolted shut. Widow always did that after she kidnaped- as Red sure as Hell didn't so willingly- the Russian Villain.

Though Red never bothered figuring out why the alibno did so. They both knew that if Red wanted to leave, she would find a way out. Which was why said Russian was currently taking in any and every possible exit within the room.

The doors were locked from the outside with a deadbolt, so that wasn't an option.

The widows were bolted and nailed shut from the outside so that was out as well.

There were no Servant Tunnels to use.

Which only left one other exit available to the Russian:

The air vents.

* * *

Using the knife she found on a tray of bagels and cream, Red unscrewed the vent and pried it open, scowling as a rodent skittered around the edge of the ventilation system before falling to the bedroom floor. Shaking her head, Red slipped the knife up the suit's sleeve before climbing into the vent and carefully placing the vent's cover back in place.

The airshaft was small and dusty but Red was easily able to crawl her way through the tunneled maze of lefts and rights, ups and downs, until she found herself staring out of a vent that lead to the room next door.

Without hesitation, Red drew back her leg and kicked the vent's cover outward, causing it to crash to the bedroom floor. Wasting no time, she lowered herself out of the ventilation system, landing in a crouch on the carpet below. After straightening out her suit, Red headed for the door and opened it fully intending to leave...

Only to mentally groan as she entered the living room to find Widow, patiently waiting for her on the couch, using the cooling body of a mid aged woman as a footstool causing Red to scowl as Widow smiled.

"You're a bit late, Red, but better late them never I suppose."

Red could feel her annoyance rising as she ignored the other woman and headed into the kitchen before opening the fridge, hoping to find something to help her drown her annoyance with.

**_Thud._**

Red stared emotionlessly down at the body of a mid aged man that had fallen at her feet, feeling her annoyance grow. She didn't really mind a body in the closet or in the bathtub but she firmly drew the line when they were stuffed in the fridge like last night's left overs.

Grabbing a bottle of unopened whiskey, Red popped the cork and guzzled down a few gulps before entering the living room openly scowling.

"Really? You put him in the fridge? Why not under the sink?"

Widow had the decently to blush under the Russian's firm scowl and narrowed eye.


	47. The Dangers of a Kiss

"Oh, come on Red. Just one kiss."

Widow smiled at the Russian hoping with a sense of sincerity radiating within her eyes, hoping that the other woman would agree. One kiss wasn't much, of Course, Widow personally had no intention at stopping with just one, but Red didn't need to know that.

She wanted the Russian to agree after all.

Pressing herself further against the slightly older woman, Widow ghosted her lips over the Russian's, before speaking in a soft seductive voice.

"Just one, Little kiss."

Red stared at her silently for a moment, her eyes shadowed as she thought of all the Pros and Cons to Widow's request before she finally allowed herself to speak, her accent smooth like velvet.

"I suppose one wouldn't hurt..."

Widow's smile grew as she leaned closer.

"No..It wouldn't."

Without another word or a moment of hesitation, Widow crashed her lips onto the Russian's, eagerly trying to devour the other. Finally, after so long, she had Red right where she wanted her.

* * *

Outwardly, Red stood emotionless as Widow deepened the kiss. Showing no signs of even caring yet if you were to look inward, you would have fount Red was mentally snickering to herself as she waited for Widow to break the kiss.

Which the albino, finally did for precious oxygen. She gave Red a predatory smile, that the Russian found herself returning as a sinister gleam entered her lone eye.

Three...

Two...

One...

Widow's eyes widened as her legs gave out from under her and she collapsed to the floor, a numbness filling her. She tried to will herself to move but her body wasn't responding, yet she found she could still move her eyes and mouth as her gaze moved upwards to Red.

The Russian villain was openly smirking, her lone eye shining with a sinister intent that sent a shiver of fear down Widow's spine.

"Wha...My body...What did you do?"

If it was possible, Red's smirk grew, gaining a feral tint to it.

"Me? I did nothing. You did it. The moment you kissed me."

Her confusion must have been visible as amusement entered that lone eye.

"Allow me to explain, every morning I smear a thin layer of Curare over my lips before I leave home. Its not enough to kill, but its just enough to paralyze anyone who come in direct contact with it. So when you kissed me..."

Red let the sentence hang, but Widow didn't need her to finish as she already knew. She had poisoned herself the moment her lips had touched the Russian's.

Mentally cursing herself for having fallen for the Russian's trap, Widow could only watched as Red walked over her towards the couch she had once been sitting on.

* * *

Red stepped over Widow's down form and headed for where she had spotted her trademark suit and suitcase before picking them up and insuring none of her belongings were missing.

Nodding in satisfaction that nothing had been stolen, Red headed for the door without a single backwards glance at the paralyzed Albino on the floor.


	48. Private-New York Arrival

Private exited his plane with a soft sigh.

His time in Texas had come and gone mixed memories with it. The time for relaxing and playing golf, among other things, was over. Now it was a time for business.

After two years of waiting the Penguin Academy had finally sent him his new assailment and team information. Which was why he found himself currently within New York City in a small area called Central Park Apartments. His new Team Members apparently lived somewhere within the crowded area.

Placing on his child-like mask with a startling ease, Private began to scout the area while pretending to be lost. With luck someone would notice and offer him a tour but if they didn't...

Well, it would give him time to set up the microscopic spy cameras he had taken from his Uncle Nigel's cottage before leaving.

Now that he thought about it maybe it was better that no one offered the tour until after he set up the cameras as he doubted his new team would allow him to wonder once they discovered who the new member was, especially their leader.

* * *

It started out a perfect day. Their Headquarters' was cleaned spotless, his Fish Coffee was made perfectly, Rico had yet to blow them up and Kowalski's current invention had actually worked for a change. All that was left was to wait for their new Private First Class to arrive.

And wait they did. Despite knowing the new Penguin wouldn't arrive until Noon, the team had been up at Four a.m. sharp and had been patiently waiting since. They nervously watched the clock as noon drew closer, each voicing what they hoped the new Penguin would be interested in.

Fighting.

Science.

Monster Trucks.

Explosions.

Warfare.

Then at Noon Sharp, there was a soft knock on the door. Followed by one of their neighbor's, Marlene's, excited voice.  
"Hey Guys, there's someone here to see you."

Swiftly the three rushed to the door and flung it open, eager to see the new recruit.

* * *

The first thing they saw was Marlene. Her chocolate brown hair hung loosely around her shoulder, her hazel eyes sparkled with her good mood and her bright, warm smile seemed contagious as he fount himself smiling back at her.

The next thing Skipper saw however, caused his smile to instantly vanish.

Standing directly behind Marlene, with a suitcase on the ground next to him, holding a toy Lunacorn with a far too childish, naïve look was Private Tux.


	49. Skipper-Conference with The Commander

"Absolutely Not!"

Skipper glared at the online video feed connecting him to The America Penguin Headquarters which in turn connected him to his video conference with The Commander.

"I don't care who the kid is, I don't trust him! He's not staying."

The Commander frowned making the raven's feet around the corner of his stormy gray eyes visible.

"It doesn't matter that you don't trust him. Despite being a bit young, Private Tux is a remarkable Agent and the best suited to even out your team."

"Suited?! This is a Manly Unit! The boy carries a girly unicorn around with him everywhere!"

"That was a gift from his Mother when he was an infant."

The Commander spoke calmly, not really seeing an issue with it. It had helped the child sleep when he had been younger, keeping away the imagery nightmares that usually haunted most children.

"He watches a show on them every morning!"

"It teaches manner and friendship, I don't see an issue with that, especially seeing as one of your men have an obsession with blowing anything and everything to kingdom-come while having questionable sanity and is in love with a doll."

The Commander mentally shivered as the idea of a Rico-like Private entered him mind. He could just see the boy prancing around with a chainsaw on his back, holding that Lunacorn doll of his close as he threw dynamite everywhere he went.

He could already see the rubble, smell the sulfur in the air, feel the flames caressing his skin as it burned down city after city. Leaving nothing by destroyed lives and blackened, soot covered skies in his wake.

The Commander shock his head, forcing the thought away while mentally thanking every God he knew that Red let her child watch Lunacorns instead of those action or horror movies she usually preferred. Clearing his throat the Commander lock eyes with Skipper, who had been ranting while he was lost in thought.

"Skipper, in case you forget, you do not assign Teams. I do. If you have such a problem with the boy I can and will relocate you to another unit and assign your Team a new leader. "

It was a low blow, he knew that, but the Commander also knew that Skipper would accept Private into the team, even if only for the sake of his other men.

"Now, will there be a problem or should I start on the paperwork?"

Skipper gritted his teeth. He didn't want someone like Private Tux on his Team but if he didn't accept the British Penguin it wouldn't be his Team for much longer. The Team needed him, he couldn't afford to be reassigned. Biting down his anger, Skipper spoke firmly.

"No Sir. There's no problem. Private will be moved in by dawn."

The Commander smiled.  
"See to it."

Skipper had just enough time to nod before the screen went black to show the call had ended.


	50. Special

_**The Reason Nigel Stopped Trying to Prevent Red from Escaping **_

Red scowled as she tried to push the British Spy away from her but Nigel was having none of it as he firmly gripped the Russian Villian's wrists hard enough to leave bruises, while blocking her only escape.

One way or another he was determinded to bring her in this time, but Red refused to go quietly. If he wanted to bring her to 'Justice' he was going to have to drag her bruised, bloody and unconcious body in as there was no other way she was going to allow herself to be brought in.

"Surrender Red."

Red couldn't help but roll her good eye. Did he honeslty expect that to work?

"Not on your Life, Nigel."

The grip on her wrists tightened and she could just hear the bones creaking under the brutal hold. She needed a way out and she needed it now.

Narrowing her lone eye, Red glanced around the room. Looking for something, anything really, that could be of use.

Finally she noticed something that she diffently could use causing a smirk to twist onto her lips. Although she partically pitied Nigel for what was about to come.

* * *

Nigel knew Red was planning something the moment that all to familiar smirk found its way to the Russian's soft looking lips and her lone golden eye gleamed with a malicious intent yet mischief.

An icy chill ran down him spine. It was never good to see just one of those traits on Red's face, let alone both of them together.

He froze as those intense golden eyes met his emerald jewels before she spoke in a soft calm voice.

"Nigel, I would like to say in advance I am very sorry for this but you left me with no other option."

For a moment he stared at her in open confusion, trying to figure out what she could possible mean. Then, without a moments hesitation, Red lifted her leg up as hard as she could...

Firmly kicking the Spy right in his Manly Pride and Joy.

* * *

In a matter of seconds the confusion was gone from Nigel's face, along with all the color.

Instead it was replaced with a wide eyed, pained look as his hands instantly let go of her wrists to cup his injured manhood as he feel over onto his side and curled up tightly before Red could decided weather or not she was satisfied with only kicking him once.

Red stared down at the downed Spy with a brief moment of pity before patting the poor, unfortunate spy on the top of his head.

"Sorry Nigel."

The emerald eyed spy only gave a soft pained whine as Red took off and once again escaped him. Though this time he dared not try to follow.

* * *

Though he would never stop chasing her, Nigel always made sure to never to chase Red or get in her way when she was escaping.

A lesson Buck Rockgut would learn the same way only a month later.


	51. Private- Revenge

Private scowled as he crawled through the narrow sewer tunnels, mentally cursing Skipper to the deepest pits of Hell that not even Lucifer would dare to enter.

That Damn Hypercritical Bastard.

_Never leave a man behind._

_Never allow any of their own to swim alone_.

Those were two of the main Skipper preached about but the first chance Skipper had got he had abandoned the British Penguin without a second thought, going as far as to throw that damn bomb at the roof of the pathway between so Private couldn't follow.

And it had worked, the ceiling of the tunnel had collapsed separating him from his so called _Team_.

_'Team'_, Private snorted at the idea, _'Don't make me laugh'._

A team didn't do something like this. That rubble could have, and was probably meant to have killed him. If he had been a second slower he would have been crushed like a tin can in a compression machine. He made a mental note to thank his Mother and Grandfather for their torture- Sorry- training the next time he saw them.

But for now that would have to wait as he had to find a way out of the damn maze of a sewer system.

* * *

Skipper was in a good mood as he climbed out of his bunk and looked at his sleeping men and the empty bunk above his own before heading for a nice hot shower.

When he got out he decided to head to the kitchen and make his favorite Fish and Cimon Coffee as a way to celebrate the success of last night's mission:

Both the Official One and His Personal One.

Private Tux was finally gone and no one could blame him for the Rookies mistake that had no doubt gotten him _regretfully_ crushed under the falling rubble.

Headquarters should have known better then to send a team like his a soft, girly member when they were all hardened warriors. And their refusal to take the Brit back had lead to an _unfortunate accident_ that now caused them Tux's live.

Maybe now they would listen to him more and send a **_Real_ **Penguin.

His thoughts were cut short as he entered the kitchen and his mouth dropped at what he saw:

There, sitting in front of the TV, was Private Tux eating a muffin while he watched that Damn Lunacorn show. Like he did every morning since he arrived.

As if to mock him, there wasn't a speck or nudge of dirt on the British Penguin, even his clothes were spotless.

And if that wasn't bad enough, blue eyes finally looked up and locked on him before he smiled.

"Good Morning Skipper."

* * *

Private mentally smirked as he watched Skipper narrow his eyes as the older drank his coffee, all the while keeping his hard blue eyes on him.

He couldn't help but wonder how long it would take for the tasteless Laxatives he slipped into the elder's liquid Cimon for his coffee to kick in.

Private couldn't help but mentally sigh in bliss:

Revenge was sweet and oh so addicting.


	52. A Touch of Fate

Nigel had to admit when he had been called upon to deal with an issue at an apartment complex in New York City he had not expected to run into an unconscious Widow, laying on the living room floor of one of her victims apartments.

Nor did he expect to find an all to familiar scent of Freshly baked muffins, vanilla and mechanical oil lingering onto the Albino's clothes. It was a scent he knew all too well, that he knew only belonged to One Woman:

Red von Sova.

For whatever reason, Red had been here with Widow. Something that surprised him a bit seeing as Red usually avoided the other like a plague.

A smile fount its way to the spy's face as Widow was carted off to the nearest hospital.

After months of searching he finally had a clue to the missing Russian's whereabouts and he had to do was wait for the Albino to wake up.

* * *

Red mentally shuddered as she walked though Central Park, for some reason she had the feeling someone was plotting something firmly against her.

Then again, when she thought about it:

_Who Wasn't?_

Shaking her head, Red banished such thoughts from her mind. Determined not to allow herself to linger on such things as she turned the corner of the pathway, not really paying much attention to her surroundings...

**_Crash!_**

Reflexively, Red barely caught herself mid fall so not to crush the smaller person underneath her. A habit she had picked up over the years of raising a child in a busy environment.

"I'm Sorry. I wasn't paying att-"

Red's automatic apology faded away like a desert breeze as her lone golden eye lock on a set of Sky Blue's that she knew all too well.

"Private?"

"Mum?"


	53. Deal

"Private?"

"Mum?"

Private could feel his annoyance with Skipper growing with each passing day, as the older penguin made an all out effort to make Private give up being a Penguin, since it was obvious that the Commander would not relocate the British Penguin anytime soon.

Unfortunaly it didn't _seem_ to be working.

_Seem_ being the key word.

As each passing day, Private fount it harder and harder for him to withhold the urge to strangle Skipper and was only thanks to the training of both his Mother, Grandfather and Uncle Nigel that he had not done so as of yet.

In an attempt not to kill the older Penguin in his sleep, Private had decided he needed some fresh air and an isolated area away from Headquarters. Still when he had left that morning the last thing he had expected was to literally run into his Mother on the Park Trail.

For a solid moment, that familiar lone gold eye bore into his Sky Blue before she stood, pulling him to his feet as she did so.

A moment later both were knocked back onto the ground as Private tackled his Mother into Bone-Shattering-Hug, ingoing the several loud pops from his Mother's back when he did so.

* * *

Widow stared at the Spy before her, raising an eyebrow in slight disbelief.

He honestly expected her to willingly give away information on her Future Partner? He was either a Grade A Comedian or a complete idiot. Seeing as he was a _Penguin_, of all things, asking her for help...

Well either was possible but she found herself leaning towards an idiot or senile. She was a Villain an a proud one at that, she had no ties to the Spy-he was Red's Super Secret Agent, assigned solely to the Russia, not her- and therefore no reason to help the man, even if he begged.

Yet she found herself listening to the Penguin's:

Give him information to help him find Red and he would insure she didn't get the Death Penalty. Instead she would get a room in the better part of PMI6 Prison.

It was tempting, to be honest as she knew no prison could hold her for long and Red could no doubt give the Spy the slip at any time the Russian wanted. It was a Win-Win as far as Widow was concerned.

Folding her hands under her head, Widow smirked at the British Spy.

"Very well, you have yourself a deal Agent Nigel."


	54. The Game is Afoot

"I think you broke my spine."

Private chuckled nervously at his Mother's comment as he helped her stand, wincing slightly at the multiple sounding pops from her back as she straightened.

"Sorry Mother."

He couldn't stop himself from flushing in embrassment as that lone eye stared at him in amusment.

* * *

Red noticed the cotton candy blush lightly dusting her son's cheeks instantly and had to force herself not to laugh. Instead she settled for setting him with a amused gaze and a slight smile.

Her boy had grown, but he still seemed to be the same soft hearted child as he was the last time she saw him.

Thank God for small miracles.

A part of her had worreid that her little boy would become a cold hearted man durring the time he was away from her but now she felt at ease knowing it wasn't so. He was still her perfect, innocent little angel.

"Tell you what, Son. I'll forgive you, but only if you let me buy you Icecream."

A smile soon illuminated Private's face, as his eyes shined with a childish joy.

"Deal."

* * *

New York.

A part of Nigel felt as if he should have know or at least suspected. Red seemed to have some sort of attraction to the city. A part of him grumbled it was because Rockgut was there, but a more logically part of him knew it wasn't true.

Red had just grown bored of England and with Private gone, she had no reason to stay as Nigel had never seemed to made his feeling known for the Russian.

How she remained so obvious to anything concerning herself was beyond him. Before he had known her, he had never thought anyone could honestly be that obvious but Red had proved him wrong. Something she seemed to greatly enjoy doing, even if by accident.

Once again, Red was running loose around New York.

Widow was locked up.

And Nigel had no doubt Buck Rockgut would soon be dragged into the mess.

Slowly the British Spy smiled.

Once again, The Game was Afoot.

And this time, **_He_** **_would WIN._ **

* * *

Buck Rockgut smirked as he stared at the file a friend had retrieved for him from the Nancy Cat's office.

An integration of Widow and a struck Deal with the Albino had reviled that Red was here, in New York.

Nigel was currently on his way, having boarded the first flight he could, but it would be a few hours before he would arrive. Plenty of time to give him a head start on the Nancy Cat and find what he could on the Russian Villain.

Finally...They were back in the game.

And this time he fully intended to **_win._ **


	55. Parting Ways

Red ignored her cellphone the first six times it went off, determined to spend some time with her only child but on the seventh time, Private had insisted she take the call.

"It may be something important."

Sighing softly, Red had excused herself for a moment to do so, though she wasn't in a very good mood about it.

"Red?"

"What?" Red snapped at the voice of what she recognized to be one of the Mice belonging to her Farther. "Could this not wait? I was trying to spend some time with Private for a change."

"I'm sorry, but this is important Red. It has to do with your personal safety."

At her words, Red could feel her anger dissolve into the nothingness.

"No, I'm sorry i should have kept a better hold on my temper. What is it?"

"Widow sold you out. Nigel's on his way and Rockgut knows your there."

Red's grip tightened on her phone.  
Damn that Widow, sure Red understood the Albino's reasons but it still pissed her off.

"I see...Thank you for informing me."

"My pleasure."

A moment later there was a click and only a dial tone rang in Red's ear. Shutting the phone, Red pocketed it and began to plan how to explain the new situation to her son.

She was going to Skewer Widow for this- Alive- in the slowest, most painful way she could.

* * *

Private couldn't help but frown as he watched his mother fix her suit jacket.

It wasn't fair. They had finally meet up after so long, only for her to have to leave so soon. Sure he understood why, but it didn't mean he had to like it.

A more vengeful part of him couldn't help but think of multiple ways to get back at Widow for selling out his Mother to his Uncle. It was thanks to that Albino that his Mother had to leave so soon, so she could settle in her newest base. And underground one which was thankfully not that far away, in the Central Park to be exact.

Still with His Uncle Nigel and Buck Rockgut around, Private doubt he would see his Mother any time soon.

Maybe this was for the best? For both of them.

His Mother, no doubt, had plans to plot and set into motion while trying to stay under the radar for as long as possible.

And he still had the _'Skipper Issue'_ to deal with.

Skipper would probably have him carted off to the worst possible prison or Hoboken if the American knew who his Mother was. Not even Uncle Nigel or his Grandfather would be able to help him then.

So maybe it was for the best that they parted ways? For now at least. Once their issues had settled they could meet up again. Randevu at some location only they would know of.

Satisfied with his plan, Private smiled and hugged his Mother good-bye before watching her leave. Once she had vanished into the crowd, Private began to take the slow way back toward Headquarters.

If he timed his pace right, he would make it back just in time for dinner.


	56. Skeletons

"Achoo!"

Red covered the lower half of her face with her handkerchief on relief as the disrupted dust particles floated within the air around her. Holding the handkerchief in place, Red waved her free hand in the air in front of her face, hoping to dispute the dust around her.

A rational part of her wanted to just leave this place and head to one of her better cared for bases but another part of her argued that this was the closest base to her son's current Headquarters- That if he needed her, she would be right there and not halfway across the city.

The motherly part of her seemed to greatly approve of the reasoning which was why Red currently fount herself within this dusty old base and not in one of her beloved forest centered bases.

Either way, neither Nigel or Rockgut knew about this base so she should be safer here in the long run. She could stay here as long as she wanted without having the fear of either Agent suddenly finding her and the longer she stayed, the longer she would have to look after Private.

A soft sigh left the Russian Villain as the dust began to settle once more. She had a lot of work ahead of her if she was to make this place livable.

* * *

Private liked to consider himself a calm, rational person with more friends then enemies but even a friendly person like him had a limit of what they would put up with and Skipper was rapidly approaching that limit.

The pillock twit needed to get his head out of his arse and realize that Private was not going anywhere no matter how much a tantrum he threw. And if Skipper didn't do it soon, Private swore he was going to do it for the American wither he wanted it or not.

* * *

"Achoo!"

Red groaned softly as she was once again assaulted by a unpleasant mass of dust only this time from by opening a closet.

"God damn it."

Red couldn't help but curse as the dust began to settle relieving a skeleton, wearing dirty raggedy clothes in the back on the small room. She recognized those clothes and better yet the single silver tooth the skeleton had.

Andre Etalon.

One of The Count's Mice that Red had been certain her Farther had eaten after catching the man hiring an assassin to off her. Apparently he had wanted to take over the Count's legacy and hadn't appeared her Farther showing up with a Heir.

Seems her Father had come up with other plans for the traitor. Plans that Red was now going to have to clean up if she wanted to move into the base.

Well, Either that or she could just leave the skeleton there and pretend she never saw it...

Sighing softly, Red began to plan on how to get rid of what remained of Etalon -even when long dead he was causing her issues- and clean up her Father's mess...

Again.


	57. Rico

Skipper was a pain,that Private would admit .

The American thought he knew everything and liked to have complete control over everyone in his unit. He was always watching and just waiting for the youngest of the Team to slip up, yet somehow Private managed to keep up with the Team without once slipping out of his 'Young Naive Private' mask.

Still he knew for a fact, his mask had slipped a few times throughout the long year yet every time it did something would happen to distract Skipper from him. Private was beginning to suspect someone else on this team knew about his mask and was helping him hide his true self from their Leader.

But Who and Why?

* * *

When it came to knowledge Rico knew he wasn't the smartest fish in the barrel, that spot belonged solely to Kowalski, but sometimes you didn't need to be smartest fish to notice what others didn't.

In the Academy most of his fellow Penguins-To-Be had considered him a brain dead brute but that wasn't true either. Sure he liked to blow up things in and out of his way but to him it was just a form of art he greatly appreciated like Ice Sculpting with his Chainsaw.

Sadly many didn't see his art, only a psychotic Penguin who many tended to avoid or treat like he was thin ice just waiting for them to fall in.

There had only been three other Penguins willing to treat him like a normal part of the team:

Skipper.

Kowalski.

And the Mysterious, secretive Private Tux.

Skipper loved his brute force, happily chosing it over knowledge any day of the week. Kowalski was a good friend but Rico knew at times he made the Scientist nervous. And Private...Well Private just encouraged Rico to be Rico and nothing else. It was quite nice actually, not have the pressure or expectations of other looming over him and crushing him under its weight.

So maybe that was why he never told Skipper when he noticed an all too focused gleam in Private's baby blue eyes.

A slight shift in his attitude.

Another person under the mask the youngest of the Team seemed to be wearing constantly.

Instead Rico distracted his leader by blowing anything and everything up in a way it couldn't be pinned on him. Or having one of his sudden _'Fits'_ for even the smallest of things.

Rico was determined to help Private hide the real Private Tux from his leader as he knew Skipper currently couldn't be trusted with the knowledge.

Skipper's earlier actions against the younger while being 'Young Naive Private' was all the proof Rico needed on that matter.


	58. Halloween Speical

Halloween had always been one of Red's favorite times of the year as it was the one day she could terrorize anyone she wished without having to worry about the flightless birds constantly pestering her.

Yearly a party consisting of the other villains and their children was held at her place on the insistence of her Farther.

Already the Mad Owl was trying to build Private connections and though Red was reluctant to admit it, it was working. The child befriended a majority of the other's children with his natural charm- Red had scoffed when Nigel had proudly proclaimed nothing else could be expected of _**his **_nephew- and friendly attitude.

The parties where tolerable, especially seeing how happy they seemed to make her son, especially when it came time for dinner. Though the other guest may not have agreed.

It had been quite a pleasant affair: Four course meals, Her Famous Stew and then Desert before the children would be sent on their Scavenger Hunt around the opened parts of the Base. Everything was perfect, the joyful laughter of children and the soft chatter of the adults. Until a scream had filled the room.

Instantly all noise stopped and eyes turned towards the source of the voice:

Jennifer Blue, the Blue Hen, she was staring in utter horror at her stew while looking on the verge of throwing up her liver.

Slowly, every pair of eyes in the room followed her villain's gaze to discover the source of her apparent horror. Her stew, on first glance, looked just like the other's though upon a closer look one could tell the few 'Potatoes' in the women bowl were not actually potatoes at all but rather eyeball that had finally floated to the top of the dish.

Red couldn't help but feel amused as every eye slowly moved back to their own dish and stared into them with something akin to pure trepidation. Several of the guest had stirred their dishes with their spoons before fleeing the room, paler then Widow herself as assorted body parts such as fingers and tongue floated to the top. In a single moment all the guest except Private, Savio, Widow and her Farther pushed their bows away and quickly came up with some excuse to flee the room.

Nigel, The Commander and Rockgut stayed rooted to their seats as they stared into their bows for a moment then at the remaining guest still eating. The Spy, as Red predicted, fount his voice first.

"Private, Lad... I don't think you should continue eating that."

The Brit seemed to pale a bit as Private bit into a finger, causing red liquid to stain his lips. Red, herself, couldn't help but smirk in amusement at the Penguins obvious discomfort as she swallowed down a bite of her own stew.

A part of her couldn't help but wonder wither or not she should inform the Agents that the body parts where actually well crafted vegetable painted with flood coloring- well all those but Savio's but since he brought his own parts Red saw no reason to deny him- yet decided against it.

She enjoyed tormenting him and watching his squirm far too much to do such a thing.

* * *

Desert thankfully was much quieter affair, though many of the guest ended up nip picking their food until they decided there was nothing out of the ordinary about it. Everything slowly seemed to be dying down again as the party continued its original beat and the children where sent off on their Hunt.

Red watched in amusement as her son took charge and led the other children down a hallway and out of sight. A part of her pitied the children that she knew her son would find a way of unintentionally mentally scarring before the night was over.

He made her so proud at times with his unintentionally villainous ways.

* * *

Private couldn't help but feel disappointed as he lead the group of children around his home, searching for the rest of the treasure. It was nice to be around children his own age that actually liked him for a change but they where no better then being was a group of frightened toddlers.

The first of his Mother's clues had lead him to an old storage closet where they had eagerlly crowded the door and opened it without a second thought about any possible traps. There had been none, though once the door had been open a skeleton had fallen inside onto them. They had screamed and ran without a second thought, leaving him alone with the obviously fake- there was no smell of decay on the bone that where far too hollow- decoration.

After removing the treasure from the decoration's rib cage, Private had fount himself forced to hunt down the other's before he could continue on.

The second clue had lead them to a severed head- thankfully he group stayed a bit longer, at least until the head opened its white eyes and screamed at them- that no doubt belonged to his Auntie Widow. The treasure had been behind the heads artificial left eye, which had easily popped out once enough pressure was added and Private fount himself once again forced to hunt down his team.

Honestly they weren't that good of a team, as they ran from every possible danger- wolves, child eating plants (He fully intended to inform his Mother of Grandpa's Contribution to the game), life like electric zombies that really tried to attack you, a headless horseman that chased you around throwing flaming pumpkins at you, sea monsters in the lake, ectra...- leaving him to deal with it all and collect both the treasure then them once more.

Private fount it a bit hard to believe these where actually children of other villains until he recalled Grandpa telling him how Sova Children where much superior to any other villain's child.

Maybe he had been on to something there after all?

* * *

Nigel wasn't very surprised when the children returned, shivering like leaves onto to cling tightly to their parents legs in utter terror. Several of them had a distant sour smell to them telling the spy that they had lost control of their bladders somewhere along the Hunt through the Russian's current home.

Not that they could be blamed. Red's bases where never quite child friendly and tended to terrify grown men with what could be fount hidden deep within it.

Private, much to his eternal pride, lacked that distant smell or even an aurora of fear as he sat within his Mother's lap before dropping his gathered treasures onto the table for all too see.

Red seemed just as pleased as the spy felt, if the slight upward tilt of her lips was anything to go by.


	59. Prison Break

Prison was boring.

A soft sigh left Widow as she laid upon her bed, staring at the ceiling. The room was probably one of the betters she had obtained, though that wasn't very surprising seeing as it was Super Secret Agent Nigel who acquired it for her.

He always rewarded well when it came to obtaining information he sought, especially when it was on Her Darling Red- a part of her greatly disapproved of the man's obsession with Her Future Mate but she never minded using it to acquire what she wanted.

Widow's only issue with the room was mainly about it being located in solitary confinement:

No roommate. No guess. No guards. And especially: No Men allowed within the room. Ever.

The Spy truly outdid himself but he had forgotten one small insignificant matter.

Hearing the lock click from the outside Widow lifted her head and smiles at the Female Agent carrying a tray with her lunch.

Widow was bisexual. Men where mainly her targets but it didn't mean she didn't know how to seduce a woman.

Especially if it got her what she wanted and right now, Widow wanted to leave.

Purposely brushing her hand against the Agent's as she took the tray, Widow couldn't help but smirk as the woman blushed a delightful shade of cherry red.

* * *

This was too easy.

Widow resisted the urge to laugh as she pulled the Agent's stolen hat over her hair, making sure to tuck every stair of white inside before glancing at the sleeping Agent and pulling the cover over the woman's head- just in case one of the Therapist came a bit earlier then they should.

Pleased, the Albino picked up her empty food tray and quietly left the room, making sure to lock it behind her.

Few people paid her any mind as she made her way through the building and fewer even bothered to glance her way as she calmly walked past each of the sealed door that would lead to her freedom once more.

A flash of her stolen badge to a bored looking Security Officer, who paid her only the minimum required attention, and Widow suddenly the two weighted doors blocking her escape unlocked.

Stepping into the daylight, Widow waited for the door to close behind her before laughing madly and tossing the stolen hat into a nearby trash bin, freeing her hair once more.

_Now, Where could Her Darling possibly be__?_

* * *

Elsewhere, Red couldn't help but pause in the middle of her work as she felt a icy chill race down her spine and the sudden urge to barricade herself within her lab filled her. After a moment, the Russian pushed the urge away and returned her focus back to the missile wiring.

She would later come to regret not listening to her instincts.


	60. Chapter 60

This was getting old, Private thought to himself as he pulled himself over the edge. Skipper really needed a hobby if he had this much time to plan a well such a well disguised murder.

Standing Private brushed the dirt off of himself before glaring down at the sudden hundred foot fall that had been meant to take his life. So much for a Teammate Bonding Trip, if anything Skipper seemed determined to see him dead.

* * *

Skipper couldn't help but scowl as he watched the British Agent walk right back into the Campsite, a bright smile frimly in place.

Honestly it was beganing to grind his gears, no matter what he tried the other always came back with that same damnable smile firmly in place and a polite attitude towards everyone, including himself. Almost as if he didn't know Skipper was behind all the attempts on the younger's life, though they both knew the British Agent knew as Skipper could see it hidden deep within his eyes.

How was it possibly this hard to kill one miserable little Agent?

Hell he would settle for even a few broken bones since the Fates seemed so determined to allow the younger to live. Yet the younger always returns seemingly perfect fine despite being slightly dirtier then before.

His scowl only deepened as Rico sat beside the younger and made himself comfortable after giving Skipper a pointed look.

And then there was the brainwashing the younger seemed to have done to _his_ weapon's expert, what other reason could there possibly be for Rico -of all Agents- to suddenly be against him on the matter while constantly becoming closer to the Brit?

Somehow in the moments of bright smiles, Morning Lunacorn shows and homemade cooking the British Agent had managed to brainwash one of his best against him. There was nothing he could possibly do for poor Rico now but hopefully he could protect Kowalski from a similar fate until he managed to permanently rid their team of the Outside Threat.

* * *

After observing Skipper and Private silently for months on end Kowalski had come to final conclusion:

_This was going too far._

He knew Skipper didn't trust the younger nor did he want another member thrust upon them to replace Manfredi and Johnson but they couldn't keep lingering in the past. It was time to move on and wither Skipper wished to admit it or not The Team needed the British Agent- even if he came with more secrets behind that warm smile then even Kowalski preferred.

Honestly it wasn't surprising the younger Agent was holding his secrets close, especially when Kowalski considered the way Skipper acted towards the Brit and his own lack of concern for the younger's safety. If anything Rico seemed to be the only decent and trustworthy member of their Team from the youngers point of view.

Hopefully he could change that and maybe then the younger would open up to them, but first Kowalski decided he would have to have a few words with their Leader.


	61. Private-Christmas Speical:Christmas Past

_Private- Age:4_

Red couldn't help but smile softly as she watched her son waddle out of their current home covered head to toe in far too many clothes, followed closely by her Farther. It was quite adorable actually, though if asked she would forever deny having such a thought.

The boy had to be wearing at least six jackets, six scarves, three pairs of gloves, five hats and four pairs of assorted pants with over sized shoes- that solely fit due to the amount of clothing her father had stuffed the toddler in. A part of Red couldn't help but fell pity for her son, as the boy tried to bend down to play in the snow only to fall onto his back.

Her pity quickly changed into amusement as the boy flailed his limbs around, unable to stand due to all his clothing.

* * *

_Private- Age: 5_

If asked Private would eternally deny he was hiding from his Grandfather and the man's insufferable army of clothing the man was just waiting to stuff him in. Don't get him wrong, Private loved his Grandfather but he refused to have a repeat of last years 'Nightmare'.

As quietly as possible the toddler dragged a table chair towards the back door and nimbly climbed up it. His small hands thumbed with the lock for a moment before a sound 'Click' told him the door was unlocked.

Unable to help the toddler smiled as he thought of his soon to be freedom. Once he was outside he would show his Grandpa that the cold, white cotton substance stood no chance against him and he didn't need to be buried under the piles of clothes the man insisted smothering him with. He would prove to them all that he was a big boy and not the baby his Grandfather seemed to believe him to be.

Nodding to himself the toddler quietly scrambled down the chair and dragged it away, wincing slightly at the screeching noise it made, before rushing back to the door and pulling the heavy material open.

His wide smile soon vanished as the fist thing he saw wasn't the cold fluffy cotton but rather the white dress pants of his Grandfather.

The man smiled down at him, the order's golden eyes looking far too amused for this to have been an accidental meeting, but the only other person who knew his plan had been...

"There you are."

Without waiting for an answer the elderly man swiftly picked up the disgruntled toddler and carried him back inside. As the door closed baby blue eyes caught a glimpse of a sole gold eye watching and an a familiar amused smirk.

"Mummy, You Traitor-"

The sound of a heavy steel door closing cutting off the rest of the Child's ranting, before he could properly voice his displeasure, and his Grandpa's laughter.

* * *

_Private- Age: 6_

"Achoo!"

The small form shivered in the King Size bed as the young one pulled his overs closer to his neck, waiting desperately to be completely engulfed into the warmth they offered but knew he couldn't especially when his grandpa was giving him _that _look as he lectured the seven year old on the stupidity of his actions.

Private fount himself wanting to protest, he honestly hadn't known a blizzard was coming when he had decided to sneak out and spend the day at the park- without telling either his Mummy or his Grandpa- alone. It had been brilliant, they would find him and finally see what a big boy he was and take him home. Mummy would make his delicious pastries as a reward and Grandpa would stop trying to bundle him down every year.

Unfortunately he hadn't counted on one of the rare blizzards hitting and had fount himself trapped within the wooden castle for what felt like days but had only been twenty minutes. He had thought he was going to freeze to death and for once fount himself wishing for the bundle of clothing he was desperate to escape.

He had been crying when he heard the familiar voices of his Grandpa Dylan and Mummy calling for him above the howling wind though when he tried to shout back he had fount his voice hoarse and far too low to be heard above the wind. It was then a dreadful thought hit him:

What if neither of them heard him and left thinking he wasn't there?

He was debating the pros and cons of running into the harsh weather when a head of snow hair poked in through the widow. His Grandpa Dylan's eyes seemed to glow with warmth as they landed on him before the head pulled out and he could hear the man calling for his Mummy.

He had kept himself pressed tightly to his Mummy, wrapped tightly in his Grandpa's jacket as said man drove them home. Once there Dylan had given him a warm bath while his Mummy fixed up a warm bed with fluffy covers and pillows for him. Which led him to where he currently was, suffering through his Grandfather's disappointed gaze and stern lecture.

Thankfully after two hours of listening to said lecture his saving grace decided to finally come save him in the form of his Mummy carrying a tray of steaming hot stew. She gave Grandpa a pointed look and Private fount himself amazed with how soon his Grandpa fled from the room. He wasn't so amazed when that gaze moved to him.

* * *

_Private- Age: 7_

Christmas, Private learned, was a time to spend with friends and family so he had to admit he was more then a little displeased when Francis Blowhole made a unexpected appearance.

Then again any appearance from the Mad Doctor tended to displease the young child. No, the man hadn't done anything to him, he was actually quite nice and pleasant. What angered the child was the way the older man looked at his Mummy when she wasn't paying attention. He had seen that look before on the faces of Rockgut, Widow and Nigel.

When he had asked Grandpa what the look meant, Grandpa had explained to him in great detail that it meant Francis wanted to steal his Mummy away from him. Something both him and Grandpa agreed could never be allowed to happen.

Mummy was his, so was her hugs, her bedtime stories, pastries and kisses for his boo-boos. She needed all her free time and energy to focus on him- and every now and then Grandpa- not Francis. Scowling- he didn't pout, only babies pouted- Private fount himself trying to come up with a plan to rid his Mummy of the threat she was so obvious to.

Red had admit this years Christmas was a bit... Unique.

Her Child and Father had taken it upon theirselves to torment her current business partner, Francis Blowhole, who she had invited to dinner since he usually spent the holidays alone. Then Agents Nigel and Rockgut had shown, along with retired Agent Dylan, on the invitation of her Father. And finally Widow had shown- Red had prominently slammed the door shut in the albinos face only for the woman to climb in through a widow her own son had opened for the woman.

It wasn't very surprising when the night had ended up with their summer home burning down into cinders and ashes. Nor was it very surprising when an all out brawl occurred only seconds later as everyone tried to shift the blame onto another. Annoyed and barely keeping herself from strangely them all, Red had dug into her pants pockets and removed several acorns.

Without a second thought she tossed them into the pile of limbs and curses.

When the crimson smoke cleared, Red picked up the limp body of her son and Father, kicked the others upside their heads before heading towards her car. Thankfully she had asked Alexi- The Head Mice- to prepare a nearby base the moment Nigel arrived, just in case.

* * *

_Private- Age: 10_

This was his first Christmas at his Uncle's and though he knew he should be excited, Private fount himself tired and worried. Usually Christmas was with his Mum and Grandpa at whatever base that was currently their temporary home but not this year. This year Grandpa was away on _business_ and Mummy had fallen ill only days before.

Uncle Nigel was trying his best to fill in for them and when asked he had assured Private that his Mum would be better in no time but the tone of voice his Uncle used reminded him a lot of the tone adults used when they told you everything would be fine but only said that so you didn't worry. So he had done what any child in his position would have done:

He eavesdropped on his Uncle and the Doctor's next meeting. They spoke in soft low voices so he really couldn't hear that much, even when he strained his ears though he heard bits and pieces.

"...bullet...infection...fever...unsure...depends...her..."

Pulling away Private had quietly made his way towards his room but stopped outside the door as his mind whirled. For a moment he allowed his eyes to move to his Mummy's current room and temporarily considered trying to sneak inside but quickly brushed the thought away. The last time he had tried the door had been locked and by time he had unlocked it his Uncle had caught him in the act.

Opening his door, the child threw himself on his bed.

It was once again snowing on Christmas but it didn't seem to really seemed to matter as the child make his way downstairs. Grandpa wasn't here and Mummy was too ill to join them. It wasn't fair.

Though he had to admit Uncle tired, he made a breakfast fit for a king and the tree was barely in sight due to the presents, though he was told they could unwrap them after a quick errand which turned out to be a movie and lunch.

Private purposely dragged his feet as Uncle head open the cottage door for him.

"There's a surprise for you in the den."

Nodding, Private followed Uncle and fount his eyes slightly widening at the sight of his Grandpa and Mummy sitting on the couch, seemingly waiting for them.

His Grandpa looked quite pleased with himself and Privately mentally noted the new presents around the tree. His Mummy was smiling that small smile of her as she made him sit down and started to pass out presents.

No one said a word about how paler then normal she looked, nor if her movements where a bit mechanical so to limit any unnecessary movement, nor if a flash of bandages peeked out of her long sleeves. No one mentioned a word about the brief wince when Private hugged her tightly, nor when Uncle had to help Mummy towards the kitchen table after she almost fell upon standing.

Private personally pretended not to notice, far too happy that they where there to really care.

* * *

_Private- Age: 11_

_"Its not funny, Mum. I look ridiculous."_

Red tired to muffle her laughter, honestly she did, but one look at there blue striped son and her laughter grew louder. Yes, blue striped, the poor boy had _somehow_ managed to dye his skin with blue and pink strips making him look like one of those straight colorful Candy Canes. The bow tied around his neck really didn't help matters.

"Mum! Stop laughing! Lucille's going to be here soon. I can't let her see me like this!"

"I told you to stay out of my lab."

Red's voice and laughter followed her son as he rushed upstairs. Hopefully his Grandfather would be more help then his Mum currently was.


	62. Kowalski's Hand

"He can't be trusted! He's hiding something!"

"Skipper-"

"Its something devastating that'll tear us all apart! Something vile-"

"Skipper-"

"-and full of pleasant evilness-"

"Skipp-"

"He's probably like Hans. Just waiting to earn our trust so he can personally gut us from the inside-"

_**"Skipper that is enough!"**_

The scientist finally had enough and raised his voice causing his leader to pause mid-word, mouth hanging open slightly.

"Private has done nothing to earn your distrust. Just because he doesn't tell you every little fact about himself doesn't mean he's like Hans! Hell, I'm surprised he's told you as much about himself as he has considering how you've treated him since the Academy and its only gotten worse since we graduated. "

Kowalski took a breath, trying to calm his raging temper as he stared down his leader

"If anything is tearing about this team it's you Skipper. You're too paranoid. You're looking for danger were there is none and you're forcing us to take sides. Skipper you need to let this go."

The leader opened his mouth once more to protest only to stop as Kowalski held up a hand.

"I'm not finished. Skipper have you ever considered earning Private's trust so that he would willingly tell you whatever it is you think he's hiding?"

Honestly Kowalski knew that if he could just get Skipper attached to the youngest, the leader would most likely forget about his insane theories concerning the younger and if he had to play on the other's paranoia to do so then so be it. One way or another this had to stop before there was a permanent accident.

He watched the other's blue eyes cloud and his brows furrow in thought.

"You think that might work?"

"More then constantly trying to kill him is. The more you continue as you are the more he'll hide from you. You need to earn his trust and respect and then he'll open up to you."

"...But Manfredi and Johnson-"

"Are gone," The scientist spoke firmly hoping to get though to his leader, "They would have wanted us to continue onwards together and if adding another is what able that then I'm Nighty nine percent certain they would have allowed one more member to the team."

A hesitant moment Skipper gave a brief nod.

"I'll _try_ Soldier but nothing more."

"Thank you Sir."

* * *

If you asked Private a friendly Skipper was much worse then an _'I'm out to kill you'_ Skipper. It was unnerving really, how the other seemed to have suddenly gone through a three sixty attitude change overnight.

At first the Leader had kept purposely tripping him and ruining his food until Skipper realized that being nice towards the British Agent was much more effective then openly sabotaging him. It acquired him a much more satisfying reaction watching the other walk on eggshells just waiting for what he was sure was coming.

Only this time it wasn't, at least not right away.

And then there was those small little questions about him, his family and his dreams Skipper liked to slip into any conversation they held. It was unnerving really.

A part of him couldn't help but wonder if their leader was bipolar and what exactly that meant for the Team.

* * *

He was a genius.

Of course he already knew that but now the whole world would be able to witness the efforts of his genius.

Kowalski leaned back as he watched his Leader and their Youngest have a civil conversation for the first time since they met.

"Just wait Rico, before you know it Skipper will be so attached to Private that he'll forget all about his paranoia."

* * *

The Weapons Expert glanced between the scientist and their teammates with a slight worried look.

Skipper wasn't one to forget so easily but who knew; Maybe they'd get lucky and Skipper would become attached to the younger like he had done with both himself and the Scientist.

Or maybe it'll backfire like most of Kowalski's experiments did.

The magnitude of this ticking time bomb was an unknown that promised either their utter destruction or complete salvation. Only time would really tell.

Until then Rico promised himself to keep a close eye on both Private and Skipper.


	63. Nigel: Chance

The world had gone Mad, of course that really wouldn't have surprised Nigel all that much expect he was now stuck in the middle of it.

Widow was free and actively hunting down Red. Of course he was also hunting down the Mad Russian and Widow knew it since she had sold the other out for a lenient sentence that he really shouldn't have given.

Next time though he would personally ensure she didn't get the chance. Deals like that were only good for one go and since he knew all that she did she was of no further used to the spy.

Now it was a game of Treasure Hunting with Red being the treasure and the two of them acting as opposing Hunters.

* * *

The spy was clever, Widow would give the British Man that.

Clever and Handsome, shame he was too smart to enter her web. She surely would have had some fun with that one.

Grinning enough to show teeth, she stared down at the man already trapped within her web.

"And you're sure you saw him in the Central Park."  
The man beneath her nodded, eager for his reward.

"Well then," She leaned in close allowing her lips to lightly gaze his, "I'm afraid you're no more use to me."

A moment later the body beneath her jerked as a dagger pierced the skin around his heart.

She saw his eyes widen and his amber pupils dilated as the body jerked futile beneath her's. A few more jerks of the knife and Widow allowed her nailed finger to peel back the skin reveling the treasure within.

Her eyes all but glowed as she carefully removed the beating organ and cradle it within her palms with the care of a newborn's Mother. Grinning at her prey that was quickly going into shock, Widow sunk her sharpened teeth into the organ, tearing off pieces as she began the process of devouring it.

After all, he had promised it to her.

* * *

Nigel had to be honest, Widow made him sick.

Especially when it came to cleaning up her crime senses, the albino had a nasty habit of eating her victims hearts while they were still alive and handcuffed to the bed. Usually he would avoid her crime senses but it was a bit hard to do when she had left him a note.

Pinned to the wall, was a picture of the Russian woman he had been hunting down. Obviously taken from a distance when the other had been distracted by something or another. Under that were two words painted with the victim's own blood:

_Love Widow._

God, he hated that cocky woman. She may have a head start but Nigel utterly refused to allow her to win.

Glancing around the room Nigel stumbled upon a camera hidden in the wardrobe on top of a pile of papers and a pamphlet on the Central Park Zoo.

There was no grantee that was were Widow went but it was a lead and Red had always been fond of that place. She had built the zoo after all. And if he recalled correctly she had an old haunt of The Count's nearby.

Nothing certain, it was possibly still deserted but he was willing to take a chance.


	64. Doctor's Visit

Though Kowalski's plan sounded solid, it was taking far too much time in Skipper's opinion.

He had spent a week trying and failing to find a way to instantly gain the other's trust but it was turning out to be harder then he planned. He needed a way to speed things up.

But how?

A frown assembled the Leader's face as he pondered a way to speed things along.

Maybe the same way he had meet and gained the other's trust?

Nodding in satisfaction the other decided to place a mission request to HQ.

* * *

"This is the target: Dr. Blowhole. The Mad Mammal has been a thorn in our side for quite some time but it has recently come to our attention that he's been located in the Brookyln Harbor; Warehouse 13."

Private stared at the picture of the mid-aged grey haired man with one natural pitch black eye and another an artifical impant that glowed the color of blood.

Of all the people of his team to be assigned to it would be the one Private was certain would never forget about him. Not after the way he had busted open so many of the elder's plans involving his mother.

This was promising to be a complicated mission already and they had yet to leave the base.

* * *

It couldn't be, Blowhole stared at the screen monitor in disblief before laughing, it was. Sova's child, the Hellion that had always interupted his attempts to woo the Russian Villain.

Oh this was priceless, a Sova working for those damn Peng-u-ins. And seeing how the young teen wasn't in chains or under constanct watch those blasted birds had no clue there was a child of their worst enemy amongst them.

Unable to help himself the grey haired man threw back his head before letting loose a Mad Crackle. This was just too good to pass up.

Straightening, The Doctor gestured to the monitor he was viewing.

"Red One. When the guest arrive I want that one seperated from the others."

* * *

God above, Private felt as if his head had been used to play the Marching Day Drum Parade on. A silent groan left the other as he tried to remember exactly what happened.

He had saw something in the corner of his eye and being the curious person he was the Brit had allowed himself to fall behind to investigate. There had been this small hidden door in the side of the building, a lot like the ones his Mother had personally built in every Base they owned for him to have an escape route.

Private recalled kneeling down in hopes of finding the latch to open it only for things to go black as something connected to the back of his skull.

Cracking his eyes open the British Agent allowed his gaze to move around the room in hope of some sort of clue as to where he was and how to get out. Unfortunately there wasn't much to go on:

Blank wall, A single door, the chair he was tied to and offline monitors.

Frowning to himself, Private decided it was in his best interest to stop pretending. Blowhole was probably watching and wouldn't show until he was awake. The other always did have a flare for dramatics, so he would no doubt want a conscious audience.

As if to prove him right the single door was thrown open as the Mad Doctor busted into the room using his Segway followed by several men dressed in red.

* * *

"Actually I have no intentions of outing you."

Baby blue eyes locked on the elder man's, confusion visible for the all to see.

Oh I was tempting, Blowhole would admit that, the child had been a pain in his for quite some time, but the revenge he had planned would be oh so satisfying.

And the best part was, he wouldn't have to lift a finger or tell even a white lie to acquire it. He would just have to be patient, Something he fount he was quite good at when it concerned revenge.

"Even if I did they would never quite believe me. Plus I find your current position highly amusing. A Sova within an Agency that prided itself for knowing its enemies. I wish to see how far you can get before they realize who you really and turn on you."

The Doctor leaned forward as if to say more only for a shrill alarm to pierce the seconds the grey haired man had steered his Segway away from the British Agent and back towards the monitors, a mad grin fimly etched onto his face as he watched Skipper's team- no doubt finally noticing their missing member- storm the compound.


	65. Doctor's Visit Part 2

Though Skipper hated to admit it, he had failed to notice Private's disappearance until Rico -of all people- had asked the younger a question only to get no responce.

When they had glanced to the rear of the formation to see why the younger didn't respond they had discovered that no one was there. Instanctly a sense of self rightious had ran through the leader as he felt his anger grow.

"That Nancy Cat ran away!'

The immedate look both Rico and Kowalski sent him quickly silenced the Leader, though he proceeded to grumble under his breath about having the Brit Court Marshalled, as the other two began to back track in hopes that maybe their youngest had just been seperaed from the group.

That hope was soon dashed as they stumbled upon a thick metal rod with a dark stain on one end that smelled faintly of copper, laying where it had been disgaurded into a thick underbush.

So much for having the Brit Court Marshalled for Desertion.

Still this could only mean one thing:

"Blowhole."

That Damn 'Dolphin' had taken their Private right from under his very nose. And though Skipper was highly suspicious of the younger, he was still the Team Leader. He was the one who had suggested the misison- had bluntly demanded and arguged for it.

If anything happened to their Private it would mean he had failed as both a Leader and a Skipper, somehting the elder was determinded never to do. Of course he choose to convently forget his own attempts at the younger's life, it was completely different now that someone else was attempting what he had failed at.

"Boys, this has offically turned into a Rescue Mission. I want the Brit back with as little to no harm as possible. "

* * *

The Mad Doctor- No, not Kowalski- knew something they didn't of that Skipper was certain, especially with the way he had sneered and jeered at their youngest even as Rico fired grenades at him.

it wasn't the usual _'I'll get you for this'_ sneer, rather a _'Just you wait and see'_.

Something had happened between the Mad Doctor and the Brit, what Skipper wasn't sure, but he fully intended to hold a full blown investigation once they were safely back to base.

"Self Destruction in T-5...4.."

Shit.

**"Everyone out!"**

What was it with villains and blowing their Headquarters to Hell and back anyway?

* * *

"What do you mean I can't integrate him?!"

The Commander could feel his headache building as he stared calmly at the fuming Agent before him.

"I've personally done it for you. This mission and everything said to Private Tux by Doctor Blowhole has officially been label Classified with Clearance far above your own. "

"And what's that suppose to mean?"

Of course Skipper already knew what it meant- he had used it plenty of times to avoid questions- but it didn't mean he had to like or approve of it when it was being used against him.

The Commander folded his hands in front of him before leaning forward and speaking in a firm tone.

"It means if you mention or being this up again to anyone I will have you Court Marshalled and thrown into Prision for Insubordination. Understand?"

He wanted to say no and protest the matter more, something had happened God Damn it, but knew better.

"Yes Sir."

The man leaded back, looking at the young leader through half lidded eyes.

"Then get some rest Skipper."

"But-"

"That was an order, not a suggestion."

A moment later the screen went blank as the connection was cut leaving a frustrated Skipper behind with far more questions then he originally had started with.


	66. Chapter 66

Things had grown tense around the base after his minor run in with Blowhole. Private knew it was only thanks to the Commander's intermension that Skipper hadn't thrown him into a cell but that still didnd't stop the suspiecious looks the elder would give him throughout the idea.

The room had become stuffy and barely bearable to even him. So Private had done the only thing he could of at the time:

He went for a walk in Central Park.

Ever since he was a toddler in his Mother's care, parks had always been a safe heaven for him. They were always so quite and peaceful with only nature and the his Mother- sometimes his grandfather- for company. There were rarely any other children around as neither of his Guardians could risk being out in too large of a crowd.

* * *

Central Park was a beautiful place.

A field of freshly fallen snow covered what once had been lush, green grass. There was a thick layer of ice on the nearby lake that glistened just right in the morning sun. A few joggers could be spotted running up and down the paved pathways, dressed in thick bundles of winter clothing.

It was perfect, almost like Mother Russia during the summer.

Smiling to herself, Red adjust her scarf so that it covered the lower half of her face before making her way down the nearest, deserted pathway.

Nothing could ruin this.

Really she should have known better then to allow her thoughts to be so positive. Nothing good ever came from her being optimistic.

* * *

Finding a single Russian woman in New York was like locating a needle that had fallen from a plane and into a forest below, nearly impossible and highly annoying. Especially when she didn't want to be fount.

Still Nigel had grown accustomed to having to track down the mad woman, so in all honestly, he didn't understand why the American's had assigned him Buck Rockgut as a guild. Don't get him wrong, Nigel could get along with anyone if there was no other option but Rockgut of all people...

Well they had their issues. Issues that resolved around a single woman and her son.

It wasn't suited for a woman of this time period to raise a child alone. A woman was supposed to have a husband to help raise the child and keep a steady income- though if you said such a thing to Red's face she'd shot you before dumping your cooling corpse into the nearest river for such blunt sexism.

Nigel and Buck Rockgut's issue had arose over which of them was actually more suited for the mad Russian and care bringing of Young Private. While Nigel had know the woman longer- since childhood to be exact- Rockgut seemed better at handling the rouge's temper.

They had once tired forcing the Russian to pick one of them:

She had scowled at them both before throwing them out of her current home and locking them out in a blizzard.

"So that Squirrel's in **_my_ **City?"

"She's been here Ol' Chap. I'm surprised you haven't noticed."

A frown slipped onto the American's face as he ponder over anything that may have indicating to the other being there.

"She hasn't done anything to draw attention to herself yet. "

"I would like to thank not."

It would defiantly go against his theory of her trying to stay out of under the radar.

* * *

Humanity never failed to amuse Widow.

They were always rushing around like small ants trying to get the next big thing but while doing so they managed to overlook everything important.

Their families, their friends, and the multiple possibilities right in plain view.

Really Widow blamed the men who all but dictator this society. Men, once they were put in charge they managed to screw up everything, which was why a selective few were used more for hard labor and breeding amongst her tribe. The others were sent to other tribes to learn trades or be chosen by another woman for breeding.

Humanity- outside the tribe- were far too simple minded and the woman were to ductile, though Widow had fount a few that would have been better off had they been born of a Tribe. So she did what any respectable woman in her position would have done:

She seduced them into joining a Tribe, promising them everything and anything their hearts desired.

Only one of those woman had seen through her; the only woman Widow had truly desired out of them all. It didn't matter though, a chase was expected of one trying to court a mate.

Smiling to herself, Widow glanced over the New York map in her hands as she climbed into the back of a cab.

"Take me to Central Park."

If her surveillance was accurate, Red should be in the park for another hour and a half, giving her plenty of time to arrive and make contact.


	67. Catch Me if You Can

Someone hated her, not that it would surprise Red, but she wasn't quite certain what she could have done to gain the ire of multiple Gods that were no doubt actively torturing her.

_**"Mum!"**_

_**"Red!"**_

_**"Squirrel!"**_

_**"Sova!"**_

God damn it, her luck could not be this bad! Could it?

For a moment the Russian allowed her gaze to move over her son, Nigel, Rockgut and then Widow.

As much as she would love to stay for a few words with her son, Red didn't quite appreciate the others being with him nor did she feel like dealing with them. Giving her boy a final look, Red quickly jolted from the pathway and into the park's forest.

* * *

Private had to confess, he didn't expect to stumble across his mother in the park. He had actually done a visible double take when he had stopped her familiar hair coloring amongst the crowd of winter hats and dark hair.

_"Mum!"_

He rushed for her only to pause as he realized he wasn't the only person to have called for her. For a moment he had followed her gaze over the other three, a bit startled himself that they were also there, searching for his mother. She had given him a brief pointed look before taking off with both Widow and Rockgut on her heel.

"Private, Lad."

His Uncle's firm hand had fount its way to his shoulder as the man smiled down at him.

"Uncle Nigel? What's going on?"

A part of him wanted to demand why the man was there but knew his Uncle could be rather stubborn and prideful if he wasn't handled carefully.

"Just some business Lad. Nothing too drastic."

A part of Private wanted to believe him but he wasn't had been raised to be a gullible fool. There was something going on here and for whatever reason Uncle Nigel didn't want him to know.

It only made Private all the more determined to discover the truth.

* * *

Damn forest.

Damn trees.

Damn Roots.

Dam Russian.

Grumbling lower to himself as he untagged the roots caught around his boots, Buck Rockgut could feel his annoyance growing.

Why of all places, did that blasted Russian have to go into the forest?

Would it kill her to run across the grass or into large crowds like most criminals did?

Standing, the dark haired man fixed his ruffled clothes before looking around, trying to determined exactly which way the damn Soviet went. After a moment with still no answers, Buck took off in a random direction that would lead to a thicker part of the forest. All the while hoping for the best.

* * *

Losing Widow was much harder then losing Rockgut.

The woman was something else, but that wasn't quite the good thing many would assume it to be. She had to be part bloodhound.

No matter how many times Red lost her the woman always managed to relocate her moments afterwards. Finally, in a fit of childish antics, Red had stripped herself of her jacket and gloves before using a nearby bush to help prop them so it appeared she was hiding being it.

Honestly, the moment the decoy was set, Red had taken off in the opposite direction. Heading further into the denser parts of the forest. It would be easier to hide there then it was in this specific area of the forest.

* * *

Despite how much Nigel hated lying to his beloved Nephew, he didn't want to worry the Lad with any further issues then those the younger was already suffering from a difficult time adjusting to his new home, if the Commander was to be believed.

He didn't want to weight the Lad down with worries about Widow or his plans to have Red arrested on pitiful charges. Yes, even Nigel admitted he was abusing his position by crossing the seas just to arrest the Russian for not being home the day he had gone to purpose. Though it was also to protect the rouge haired woman from Widow, but mostly so he could drag the younger back to England.

What could he say?

He was a very temporal and impulsive man when it came to certain matters. Though he supposed he could easily detach himself from his emotions if it became necessary. Fortunately it wasn't, so he could be as piety as he wanted.

One way or another he needed to get the Russian back on English Soil that way he could properly propose, there was no way in Hell he would do it on American Soil when it would be considered Bastardized in the eyes of the Her Majesty's Union. And then there would be the issue of Rockgut Lording it over his head or trying to sabotage him.

Shaking his head, the spy banished such thoughts. None of it would matter if they couldn't catch the woman.


	68. Unresolved Tensions

She said it before and she would say it again.

Some God out there hated her.

Glaring at the two way glass, the Russian woman fiddled with the cuffs chaining her to the chair.

Those damn bastards were going to get it the moment she was free, starting with Rockgut.

A light smirk appeared on the woman's face as she recalled the black eye and slip lip she had left the paranoid man with. Knowing the stubborn fool, he was probably putting on his tough act and avoid having it stitched. Oh course that's all it was:

An Act. The truth was much more humorous:

Buck Rockgut, Special Agent and Rouge Bounty Hunter was terrified of needles. A fear he apparently left his Protégé. Leaning back in her chair, the Russian waited for which ever of the fools they planned to send in to integrate her.

She didn't have to wait all that long as a dark haired teen- possible young adult- with a familiar military haircut entered the room.

* * *

He had known Private had been hiding something. He had suspected it from the start even when everyone else sided with the Brit and called him crazy. And now, now he had the missing piece of the puzzle that was Private Tux.

The Red Squirrel.

Only it wasn't a man like many suspected, rather it was a woman with what seemed to be a permit scowl or amused smirk on her face. The moment he saw her his mind had gone to their Graduating Ceremony.

_A woman in a brilliant crimson dress and trench-coat stood, mostly hidden by shadows, standing alone in the very back of the room._

The Brit's Mother, his own mentor had told him that. Their worse enemy had been in their academy, standing only feet away from their most important Agents and Higher Ups. Her son was one of them.

And judging from the look his mentor and the Brit's Uncle had, they had both known. It was highly likely The Commander knew as well.

They had allowed a Sova- if not by name then blood- to enter and graduate from _**their** A_cademy. They had allowed the enemy to infiltrate them.

With that thought in mind, Skipper entered the room his mentor and the Spy had locked the Russian in.

* * *

It was highly amusing watching a child try to play adult.

The boy was just too easy to mess with for Red to resist a few jabs at what she had observed about the younger.

"Tell me something," Leaning forward Red allowed her trademark smirk to form as her eyes were shadowed over, "Do you ever forgive yourself for getting them killed? Do you still hear their screams when you sleep? Or is the guilt too much for you to even manage that?"

The young Agent's face paled with each further word as his breathing grew harshen as the nail of his inner fears and self doubts were hit on the head.

"How many more must die for your incompetents? How many more will you willingly march off towards their deaths while you hide safely away in these walls?"

"That's not true."

The younger gritted his teeth as he balled up his hands. God, he made it too easy.

"Then explain what happened to Manfredi and Johnson. **You** got them killed, its all your fault."

Of course Red knew they weren't really dead, she had run across them on an island prison a few months ago but this child didn't know that.

Before the child could form a proper answer the door was thrown open with a cry of "Red" before Rockgut and Nigel stormed in.

Smirking, Red leaned back in her seat, watching as Rockgut checked on his Protégé before escorting the other out.

* * *

"Must you do that to a child?"  
Nigel asked when the door finally clicked shut.

For a brief moment annoyance flickered into that golden eye before it was hidden behind the confidence the Russian usually projected.

"He was asking for it. He snuck in here all but begging for it with his attitude. Its not my fault he couldn't handle it."

"He's a child, Red."

Nigel spoke firmly putting emphases on the word child. A frown marred the other's face, even as she glowered at him.

"He's a soldier, Nigel. If he can't handle someone prodding at a few open wounds he should quiet while he's ahead."

Scowling the rouge hair woman leaned forward, placing uncuffed hands before her.

"You can't protect them forever Nigel. They knew what they were getting into when they signed up. Babying them like you and Rockgut are doing will only hinder them later and likely get them, or another member of their squad, killed."

He hated it when she got like this.

"This isn't Russia Red, you can't just mind fuck children because they were annoying you!"

"Funny," Her eye narrowed slightly as she scowled at him, "I just did."

Furious and highly frustrated, Nigel lunged across the table at the Russian.

* * *

Private stared at the shut blinds over the integration rooms widow, wincing ever so slightly as he heard the sound of bodies being thrown around from the inside. He really didn't think his Uncle and Mother should be left alone with such obvious issues between them but when he asked Rockgut, the man had said something about "resolving tensions between them".

Whatever that meant it didn't sound quite as friendly as Private would have preferred.

There was another crashing sound from inside the room and unable to help himself Private peeked in through a corner of the blinds.

He almost jumped out of his skin when something hit the widow and it took the young Agent a moment to work out what it was:

Skin, scared and far too pale to be healthy.

There were well cared for nails digging into it as another hand firmly gripped familiar rouge hair, yanking it back. Moments later sharp teeth sank into the slender neck causing a soft noise to escape the skin's owner. Then emerald eyes had locked onto him and the hand that had once been on the skin- definitely a back- waved firmly at him to go away.

Private didn't need to be told twice as he dropped the curtain with a dark blush staining his cheeks. Suddenly he understood what Rockgut had meant by 'Unresolved tensions'.


	69. Another day in the Life

There was something rather satisfying about waking to another person snuggled against you.

Smiling fondly, as there was no one to bare witness to such an open show of emotion and weakness, the rouge moved closer to the other body before resting her head on the sleeping spy's chest. It was rather smoothing to hear the soft rhythm beating of the other's heart as his chest slowly rose up and down with each breath the sleeping spy took.

Of course if you asked, Red would firmly deny having thought such a thing. She was a proud independent woman after all. She was of strong Will and Body, she didn't need nor seek the comforts of another.

Still, Red allowed herself to think as she wrapped the Spy's arms tighter around her waist and closed her eyes, it would not stop her from enjoying it while she could.

* * *

The moment Red's breathing slowed and evened out, Emerald eyes opened with a gentle smile finding its way to the other's face.

It was rather amusing knowing who the Russian would act when she thought he was asleep, though if she had suspected he was faking Nigel had no doubts he would have been kicked off the makeshift bed and out the door.

Smiling to himself, the spy allowed one of his hands to move from around the smaller's waist and onto her back. Shifting slightly the emerald eyed man allowed his chin to rest on the top of the other's head, tucking her's carefully under his. Slowly Nigel's gaze moved towards the corner of the room- to where he knew the camera was- before giving whoever was observing them a one finger salute.

Damn Perverts. Least they could have done was cut it off.

* * *

Damn Nancy Cat.

With an annoyed huff, Buck Rockgut cut off the monitor before slipping out the surveillance tape. Damn Cocky Spy, even when he knew there was a camera he couldn't keep his hands with himself. One of these days, the Nancy Cat was going to slip up and find himself in more trouble then its worth.

But not today.

As much as he hated the spy for being near his chosen partner, Rockgut wasn't the type of man to take his issues far enough to ruin a man. Slipping the tape into his pocket, Buck shook his head. The Spy was going to owe him for this.

* * *

He couldn't believe this.

They knew who the Brit's mother was yet Rico and Kowalski were still standing by the enemy!

"His Mother is the Red Squirrel! His Grandfather is the Count! You cannot seriously still be defending him!"

Rico just scowled as he stepped in front of the scum, blocking the Brit from view.

"His Uncle is also one of the British Units best Agents as is his other Grandfather. Private is not his mother or grandfather, their choices with their lives are not his."

Kowalski, always the logical one, pointed out as he adjusted his lab coat- trying to wipe of the soot from his previous failed experiment.

This could not be happening, they had the proof and his men knew the code:

Any discovered member of _that_ family was to be reported and arrested. The only good member of _that_ family was a dead one- or imprisoned in the case of the younger members ranging between newborn to early childhood.

**"You cannot be serious! I'm ordering you to move aside!"**

Neither of his men budged as they stood firmly giving him a look that read somewhere between defiance and unmistakable mutiny.

"What is going on here?"

His mentor stood behind him, Giving them a firm look Skipper had learned to read as annoyance.

Thank God, surely Buck would make them stand aside so they could carry out the sentence. Though the more he explained the less likely he saw that was going to happen as his mentor's expression became neutral.

"Just forget about it Skipper. M, The Commander and the other important higher ups already know. You're just stressing yourself for no reason."

_**They knew?!**_

* * *

Ruffling Skipper's hair as he passed, Buck headed for the Integration Room.

It was about time those two got up. And no it wasn't due to the anger burning in his veins at the idea of the Nancy Cat sleeping with his woman- though that did play a minor part.

Rather it was due to the fact the Commander was supposed to be arriving early this morning and the American Agent doubted the man wanted to see one of his favorite spies sleeping with their worst enemy.


	70. Mind Games

If there was one thing the Commander hated- no, utterly loathed- it was dealing with _that_ family. He swore at times they solely insisted to drive him and the rest of the world into insanity.

The only thing he hated dealing with more was Rockgut's protégé, the boy was too uptight and despite his good intents always went about them the wrong way. You put the two together and you would find yourself living The Commander's worse nightmare.

Which was why the man was about ready to break down in tears as he listened- mostly- to the boys ranting while watching a satisfied looking Russian through the integration room's one way glass.

God. Why him?

Whatever did he do to deserve this? Who had he killed and how could he make it better?

"Are you ready to head in Sir?"

Slowly the Commander allowed his gaze to move across the room, giving a brief hesitant nod.

_At least she didn't have any muffins to throw at him._

Bracing himself, the Commander pushed open the door.

"Red."

A lone golden eye looked up at him before a smirk split across her face.

"Commander," the woman all but purred as she radiated open amusement at their positions.

She was far too calm for someone in her position was entitled to be. Red leaned forward, causing the chains of her cuffs to clink against the metal of the chair she was bound to, which in turn caused the Commander to visibly relax.

She was caught and chained.

There was no way she could pose a threat right now.

If only he knew.

* * *

Mind Games had always been Red's favorite lessons form the Count- inventing was more of a hobby.

All she needed was a quick look and a few carefully chosen words and she could tear apart the strongest of men.

The First rule to the game was to give your victim a sense of superiority, cue why she ensured the chains to her cuffs clinked against her chair. People tended to show more when they thought they were in charged, lording themselves above everyone else like a prancing peacock and gaining a sense of superiority.

The Second Rule was to allow the victim to believe they're setting the field while you really set your own. It was easier if they believed it was their idea over your own idea played through them.

The Third was to calculate every word and gesture made. An action spoke louder then in most cases. For example: The Commander, even now was always keeping something between them, an unspoken and unrecognized gesture indicating nervousness. His actions indicating he did not believe the cuffs would be alone to hold her. Smart man, Red had already picked those before he had even entered the room.

The finally was to strike were it hurt the most. That was always her favorite part.

Acting swiftly the Russian Villain flung the table away from her and towards the door before swiftly pinning the Commander to the way by pressing an arm firmly to the man's neck.

"I'm sorry, what was that you said about My Father?"

* * *

His Mum had escaped.

A part of Private couldn't help but feel relieved. When she had suddenly flung the table and pinned the Commander they had tried to get in but said table had been thrown in such a way it prevented them from doing so. His Mum had shared a few unheard words with the Commander before shattering the rooms only light source, pitching it into darkness.

By time they had busted into the room, weapons and flashlights drawl, she was gone.

The ventilation system, Private had realized, even as they other frantically tried figuring it out theirselves. His Uncle Nigel and the American, Rockgut, had pieced it together soon afterwards. Yet it was too late, outside system was fount open and his Mum was long gone.

It wasn't fair. He had only just fount her.

Sulkily, the young agent had headed to his room ensuring to lock the door behind him. For a moment he collapsed onto his bed only to sit straight up a moment later as something jabbed into his side.

A cell phone with only one number in it.

A bit nervous, the blond haired teen had pushed the call button.

Ring...Ring...Click.

"'Ello?"

"Happy Birthday Private. You're cake and presents are under your bed. "

"Mum?!"

"Sshh," His mother's smooth voice came form the other end of the line, "Its not safe for you to speak to me from there. Wait a few days and get out of the building, then call back. Love you."

"Love you too Mum."

"Dos Sylvania."

A dial tone filled his ear a moment later, leaving the boy alone with his thoughts.

_Presents? That's right, today was his birthday- and not the fake one his Uncle used with his cover. But when had she fount the time to place them in here? She had been constancy under surveillance besides those few moments while she was escaping. _

Smiling the blond haired agent kneeled down and reached under his bed.


	71. Hospital Visit

Red hated hospitals. It was a natural reaction though considering her rather shady past with Doctor, Scientist and government officials.

Still no matter how much she hated them, there was something she had to do. Climbing into an empty elevator the Russian pressed the button for the sixth floor only slightly annoyed when the door shut and that damnable elevator music started up.

One...

Two...

Closing her eye the Russian allowed her mind to wonder back to the few words she and the Commander had shared.

_"What did you say about My Father?"_

_The anger was clear in the rouge woman's tone as he pressed harder against the man's throat._

_"Victor von Sova...He's been admitted into the Royal National Orthopedic Hospital."_

_Her lone golden eye flashed for anger and worry for a brief moment as she let up on the man's throat. _

_"What does he have?"_

_There was only certain ways someone got administrated into that hospital, none were good. The Royal National Orthopedic Hospital was a top class healthcare facilities for patients with Cancer, AIDS and other life-killing diseases. The fact her father was there didn't suit all that well with the Russian Villain._

_"We don't know."_

_A low growl left the rouge hair woman as he eye narrowed dangerously._

_"What do you mean you don't know?!"_

_The man before her licked his lips nervously._

_"We believe it was something in the Chemicals he used throughout his 'Career'. Chemical I know you also used, Red, I firmly suggest you also get a physical exam while you're there. There's a possibility you may have whatever it is your Father's caught." _

**Bing!**

The sound of the elevator door opening brought the Russian from her memories as she straitened her shoulders and steeled her nerves before walking out. Without pause she headed for the Receptionist Counter.

"I need the room of Victor von Sova."

* * *

God the old man didn't look so well, not that it was all that surprised considering where he was and why.

A part of Red itched to start grabbing the tubes and wires poked and prodded into the elderly Sova and start yanking them out but she managed to keep that instinct at bay.

"How long?"

Dylan glanced up from his place at the Count's bedside, looking worn and tired.

"He's been her for about three days. The Signs started a couple weeks ago."

A couple of weeks. Red gritted her teeth and pushed down the anger raging through her as she looked over the Count's charts. It wasn't looking so good.

His health had been rapidly deteriorating and he had never told her. Then again, she hadn't been there for him to tell nor to see the signs for herself.

"His chances?"

Dylan, instead of answer looked away, trying to busy himself with something- anything - else.

"What are his chances?"

Red all but growled as he glowered at the retired spy. For a moment she thought he was going to ignore her again but instead he spoke in a soft whisper of a voice.

"Six Percent."

Six percent, even the thought was bitter to Red and she was certain had she not gone through the Count's training as a child she would have allowed her anger to gain control of her and trashed everything and one within reach.

All but throwing herself into the other chair by her sleeping Father's bedside, Red forced herself to rear in her boiling anger and look over the Count's medical files with a critical eye.


	72. Private's Delusion

"Private?"

"Yes Skipper?"

"You and me are going on a classifed mission tonight."

"Alone?"

A nervous look entered those baby blue eyes as they stared down their leader. He and Skipper didn't exactly have the best track recorded when it came to doing missions without the other two members of their team.

"Yes, Alone. That way I can get to know you since your going to be a constant part of _my_ team."

Right...

Getting to know _his_ team. Don't get him wrong, Its not that Private didn't believe and trust in his leader it was just...

Well, Private didn't believe him. Nor did he trust him, leader or not.

Okay, so maybe, just maybe, that was the issue.

In his head, Private could already see a chibi version of himself naively following a chibi version of Skipper though a secret mission. They ended up beating up a Chibi Blowhole and then Chibi Skipper pulled Chibi Private to the side, giving his a colorful box with a larger then life bow as a present.

Chibi Private, grinning happily at being accepted by his leader, tore open the box.

_**BOOM!**_

Chibi Private stood there holding thin air as soot covered him and his now blackened hair was pointed on ends in every which direction as Chibi Skipper, who suddenly had devil horns and was holding a pitchfork, crackled at him.

Shaking his head, Private dismissed his delusion. Just to be safe though, he should probably inform Rico and Kowalski about this so called 'mission' before heading out.


	73. Consequences

He couldn't take it.

Everything he did, everything he tried Skipper was always giving him that judging look.

He would defend himself and the other would narrow his eyes while mumbling about evidence. If he just stood there and allowed them to wail on him the other would accuse him of helping the enemy.

If he said something too intelligent, the other agent would eye him suspiciously but If he said anything too dumbed down the other would give him a look of distaste.

It was painfully obvious that no matter what he did Private wasn't going to win anything conserning Skipper.

He would probably have better luck arguing with a brick wall then the stubborn, hard headed Agent.

So he wasn't all that surprised when Skipper left him behind in a base set to self destruct. Fortunately for him, he was a Sova and if there was one thing they knew how to do it was escape any situation- including a self destructing base. Finding the trap door was easy, finding the button that set it off was also easy. Swimming from the bottom of the ocean to the shore was a bit harder but he managed.

He pulled himself onto the sandy beach shore that he glared at the sky while trying to figure out his next move. Sure, he could go back but if he did wouldn't Skipper continue doing this?

Maybe next time there wouldn't be a trap door that would save him at the last minute?

Was there really a point in going back?

He was never going to win Skipper's trust and if he didn't return he could cause distrust between the Team- which in turn would weaken them.

Is that what he wanted?

For them to turn against each other and become easy pickings for any villain out for revenge?

He could be the one that finally brought them down from within, but did he want that?

Glaring at the rapidly darkening sky, the young British cursed his current situation to hell and back while hoping for some sort of clue as to what to do.

* * *

"Where is my nephew?"

There was something rather frightful about the usually calm British spy. Maybe it was that dangerous gleam in his eyes or maybe it was the fact he was looming over him like a hawk to its prey.

"H-he fell behind."

_**"AND YOU LEFT HIM?!"**_

Or maybe it was that_ 'I'm about to slowly skin you alive while taking great pleasure in it'_ tone to his usually happy voice.

_**"He's not responsibility! If he falls behind that's his issue! He's probably gone crawling back to that whore of a m-"**_

Skipper wasn't quite sure what happened but he clearly recalled finding himself staring at the ceiling a moment later, even as the British man rearranged his face and his own team tried to pull him off.

_**"Seeing as he's a part of your team he is your responsibility, no matter what his heritage it! "**_

* * *

He was going to kill that bastard of a leader.

Nigel wasn't sure of much of anything else but he was certain of that, even as he shoved the younger agents away from him and wrapped his hands around that damn Skipper's neck.

No matter, he would soon ratify that mistake.

**"Uncle/Nigel, get off him!"**

* * *

He always knew the Nancy Cat was going to lose it but even as he helped the man's nephew pull the British Spy off of his Protégé the man couldn't help but wonder how exactly insane the man had gotten- especially when it concerned his beloved nephew.

_**"Get ahold of yourself, Nancy Cat!"**_


	74. Nigel's Plan of Revenge

The Nancy Cat needed a vaction.

Grunting as he bolted the door to Nigel's room shut- even as said spy kept trying to knock it off its hinges- Buck Rockgut couldn't help but wonder when, if ever, did the Spy last have a vaction.

Finally hearing the bolt click shut, the American Agent allowed himself to slide down the door's length and onto the floor.

**"YOU PIG HEADED AMERICAN. LET ME OUT OF HERE!"  
**Feeling the door shake under the spy's fists said American couldn't help but wish he had left Private on the beach he had discovered the smaller on, if only to avoid being around his rival when it was appearant the man had finally snapped.

"NOT UNTIL YOU CALM DOWN! TAKE A GOD DAMN NAP NANCY CAT!"

Still if he hadn't his protégé would probably be dead via anger teammate's uncle by now. Speaking of which, the American Agent allowed his eyes to move over to said Protégé who was being treated by young Private.

It was obvious he was going to need to have some words with his protege.

**_"LET ME OUT!"_**

Once he dealt with the Nancy Cat.

* * *

He didn't understand the young Brit.

He had left him, tried to kill him and openly showered the younger in distaste yet the smaller still was helping him. Even if it was the younger's Uncle that did this to him- that man needed serious help.

Quietly Skipper observed the young British agent that was bandaging him up. The smaller had a few bruises here and there among the sand and tried mud clinging to his damp body. Yet the other was ignoring his own condition in favor of caring for him.

It had to be a trick, his mind whispered to him, the boy was apart of _that_ family. Deception was a natural skill for them. Yet another part whispered that the younger had no reason to trick him.

He had never even tried to hide his distaste or hatred. What would the younger have to gain from trying to play him like a fiddle?

* * *

Sure, he and Skipper wasn't best friends.

Hell, Private was certain anyone with two eyes- even one in some cases- could tell that, but it didn't mean he wanted the other dead.

Especially not at his Uncle's hands.

If- and that's a big if- he wanted the paranoid agent dead, Private would do it himself. Why would he even consider allowing some one else the satisfaction of gaining his revenge when he could do it himself?

Fortunately for Skipper, the Blue eyed Brit had always been considered a bit soft and forgiving amongst his rather insane family.

No, he wouldn't kill Skipper instead he would use this to help him finally find his place within the team. Even Skipper would be forced to accept that he meant no harm if he helped the other.

So that's exactly what Private did.

* * *

Emerald eyes glared rather hatefully at the bolted door blocking him from that bastard of an agent, even as their owner made himself comfortable on the only bed in the room.

He needed to calm down, Nigel knew that. His anger was effecting his judgment but it felt nice to just let out his frustrations for a change.

Closing his eyes, the spy took a slow breath.

_In and Out. In and Out. _

_Calm down. Relax._

It was easier said then done yet Nigel could feel the bunched muscles under his skin slowly relaxing.

_In and Out. In and Out._

_Relax. That's it. Just calm down._

He could come up with another- more subtitle- way of punishing the Agent besides outright murder. Of course that means he would have to have to apologize- just the idea of apologizing to that Agent made Nigel scowl. Yet if he wanted the other to relax around him, it would be necessary.

Feeling his body physically relax as his mind ran with the millions of possible punishments he could throw at the other younger agent, Nigel allowed himself to smile.

Death would be rather quick and unsuitable of a punishment. Something slower and more permanent would work better. Something that Skipper wouldn't be able to get rid of.

Something like Alice.

Slowly a smirk replaced the spy's smile.

_Alice._

She was a perfect punishment and someone Skipper would never be rid of. This place was in need of a supervisor and with a few pulled strings he could have her permanently placed here.

Still smirking, the spy placed his head upon the pillows and closed his eyes, even as his mind raced with excitement and anticipation at his rather diabolical plan.

No wonder Red loved doing this like this. It was rather addicting.


	75. Paranoia

Alice knew she wasn't the prettiest girl around nor was she the smartest. Unfortuanlly the family looks had gone to her older sister while her younger brother had gotten the brains leaving Alice with neither.

She was a rather bland and easily unnoticable person which was luckly exactly the Agency needed. No one would ever look at her and be memorized. When pushed for answers no one would ever remember the rather bland and miserable woman.

Unfortunately those same traits that helped her land her job with the Agency was also the very same ones that held her back. She was rarely, if ever sent out on any high propriety missions, instead her talents were overlooked for the Agents that held Beauty, Charms, and the Brains.

So when- after years of working herself to the bone- Alice had been offered a promotion as the Minder for the Central Park Unit, she had accepted immediately without a second thought. Finally her chance had arrived. She would prove to everyone that she was just as good- if not better- then her fellow Agents.

Things were finally going her way and she would allow nothing, nor no one, to ruin this for her.

* * *

**A Minder?!**

What the hell was the Agency thinking?

**Central Park was his Unit! His Charges! He was in charge here and They sure as Hell didn't need no damn babysitter! **Or worse, an Agency Spy snooping on them.

Seething quietly, Skipper paced his office as his mind raced.

Was that it? Did they no longer trust him?

Why?

Scratch that, he knew the reason: That damn Brit.

Ever since 'Private' had been assigned to his unit everything had stared falling apart around him and nothing he did seemed to get him any closer to finding out the truth behind the younger. Through even now that he knew the other's parentage that still left a hundred more questions unanswered. One of which was why in the seven Hells would the Agency allow the child of their arch nemesis' into it?

Unless...

Was Private the Agency Spy? Had the Brit been a test for him?

Had the Agency just been looking for an excuse to put an outsider in his group?

Did they think he was going to turn out like that traitorous Dane?

Now that he thought about it, that option did make more sense then his other suspicions. He had been Hans best friend and he was the only one of the Original Team that the Physcotic Dane had spared. It was reasonable they would be suspicious of him- _Why else would Hans had spared him unless he was in on it?_

God Damn it. He should have seen it coming.

The Skills, the Secrets, The insistence of the outsider being on his team. It all added up and for once it wasn't painting a pretty picture, especially seeing how he had reacted and treated the other.

Private was an Agency Spy sent to keep an eye on him and test his loyalties. A test he had obviously failed if they were sending a Minder.

Running a finger though the darkened strains of his hair- more out of habit then anything- Skipper groaned softly.

He could fix this.

He would just need a little time and if he played his cards right maybe- just maybe- he could gain the Spy's loyalty. Once he had the Spy's loyalty he could make the younger look up to him, respect him even.

It would be tricky- he highly doubted the smaller Agent would chose to forget how Skipper had been treating him- but he was Skipper. He could do anything once he put his mind to it.

He would fix this.

And while doing so he would steal the spy's loyalty away from the paranoid bastards who were all so eager to have him convicted- probably executed as well- for something he was innocent of.


	76. Damn Straight

For not the first time since he arrive here Private couldn't help but wonder wither or not Skipper was bipolar.

One moment the dark haired agent was out to kill him or at least have him locked away for life and the next the older was suddenly treating him...Normal. Almost like a part of the team.

Honestly it left the blond haired blue eyes teen feeling rather confused.

Where had all the anger, all the rage, gone to? Where was the raving and rather futile attempts on his life he had been bracing himself for since the other discovered exactly who his Mum was?

Had his plan really worked so well and in such a short amount of time? Surely there was a catch, none of his other plans had worked this smoothly- although now that he thought about it did any of his other plans involve helping the rather paranoid man.

Was this really all it took or was it another of the elder's tricks? Or maybe the elder just wanted allies against his new _'Glorified Babysitter'_ Uncle Nigel had all but cursed them with?

Pinching the bridge of his nose, the young British Agent tried to drive back the thundering headache building behind his temple.

Father above, just thinking about that woman gave him a headache.

* * *

Alice had only been at the Central Park Unit for a week and she could honestly say she utterly despised this place.

It was too loud, too unpredictable. Filled with far to many unaccountable variables that were all quite determined to stand firmly in her way- especially that Skipper, who along with his team, openly defied her in every way possible on a daily basics.

Yet she refused to back down.

She didn't care what issues they threw her way, she would come out on top and wip them into the personal they were supposed to be while doing so. Of course if that required getting a date or two out of the dark haired Agent to ensure he saw things her way Alice would gladly do her duty- for completely and utterly Professional reasons only, of course. It had absolutely nothing to do with hormonal lust.

She swears.

* * *

She was driving him mad.

Nigel knew from the moment he arrived that the Russian wasn't really in the mood him, let alone the spy's antics but honestly he didn't care. He needed to be here wither she wanted him to or not.

Red needed someone here as the rouge never quite knew when to stop once she started, especially now that the Count's health was involved.

If he wasn't the spy had no doubts the golden eye villain would end up in the bed next to her parental figure.

Sighing softly, the emerald eyed man slowly made his way down the flight of stairs leading to the Russian's private lab. Hopefully she would hear him out before trying to kill him, at least then he would have a better chance of leaving with his clothes in one piece and skin still on his bones.

* * *

She wasn't in the mood for dealing with the damn stalker of a spy- _how else did he keep finding her if he wasn't another of them damn stalkers?_

This last week had been hell as far as the rouge haired woman was concerned. Victor was only getting worse and despite all her best attempts she couldn't figure out how to fix this new found mess the Count had landed himself in.

She needed a miracle- and she was willing to take a rather bloody and gory one at that- to fix this, not a spy. Yet it appeared the Fates were firmly against her on this one as all they threw her way was the spy.

_Now if only they'd throw me the 'Off' button as well._

Mentally sighing the Russian closed her eyes and tried to find what little patients she had left. The least she could do was hear him, last words and all that.

Yet the more the rouge haired woman heard the more she wished she had just shot the man the moment he had announced his presence.

"Nigel," The rouge finally decided to interrupt her counterpart's rather passionate speech about the secure hands the Count was in with her deadpanned _'If you don't shut up I'm going to cut out your tongue'_ tone which caused the spy's mouth to shut with an audited _click_ as his teeth collided, "Do not take this personally, and by that I mean please my all means do, but I would not trust your agency to look after a goldfish let alone my father. "

What? She hadn't lived this long but trusting every fool out there.

Knowing those blasted birds they would probably just leave Victor to die if only to rid theirselves of what they considered to be a world threat.

It wouldn't be the first time they had done such a thing.

Nigel was just too gullible, he didn't want to see the darker side of his precious organization so he overlooked it but not Red. It was impossible to overlook what you witnessed firsthand- and was sometimes subjected to- every day of your life.

A soft sign left the emerald eyed man across from her as he ran fingers through is snowy hair.

"We're doing this the hard way, aren't we?"

_Damn straight they were._


	77. Irreplaceable

She hated him.

Hated. Hated.

Hated!

The damn smug bastard. Who the fuck did he think he was?

One of these days she was going to just kill him and be done with it- and him- once and for all. They would see who was laughing when she fork out those damn emerald he dared to call eyes and feed them to him so that he may watch as she skinned him with the dullest knife she could find.

Oh he would rue this day till his dying breath...

And she was monologuing aloud again, wasn't she?

God Damn It! Was he laughing at her?!

Glaring at the trembling man trying- and failing rather horribly for a spy- to hide his amusement behind his pale hands, the rather agitated Russian woman fount herself reaching over for her knife.

Her previous plans would have to wait, the first thing she was going to do was cut out that damn tongue , that would teach the bastard to laugh at her with she was in the same fucking room.

"You know, your plans might actually work a bit better if you stopped voicing them aloud for everyone to hear Love."

Forget Hate.

She utterly Loathed him and his damn cocky attitude, that damn smirk and those damn emeralds- even if she sometimes had the urge to pluck them from his head and keep them in a jar...Then again they would probally lose that shine to them if she did that...

She could live with that...

Maybe.

"As flattering as that is Love, I'm going to have to ask you to keep those thoughts to yourself. As...Tempting as the idea is, I assure you they would serve a much better use within my head- where they belong- instead of a jar that you would keep on the beside to collect dust."

* * *

Things had finally began cooling down a bit- it wasn't perfect by far but having a common enemy seemed to help with the unsteady truce.

Skipper was trying though, Kowalski would give points where they were deserved. The paranoid leader seemed to have turned all his rather violent tendencies to the new Minder- If someone that incompetent could even be called that.

Sure the woman did her job to a playbook intent but never an effort more. That plus her tendency to assault everyone she crossed paths with via her sour mood...

Well there was currently a betting pool on who would kill the woman first.

It was nothing personal-

No, wait. That's a lie, It was very personal.

Especially for the slightly Mad Scientist after she voiced her distaste for Rico within his hearing distance in an attempt to have the Weapons Expert sent to one of those God Damn felicities where they tortured you under the pretense of _helping_.

Who cared if Rico was a bit physcotic, slightly unstable and a ticking time bomb?

Rico was one of them. A part of the team- their family. A vaulauable memeber of this Unit. Irreplaceable- unlike her.

Alice would get her's.

If Skipper didn't get her first, He would.

It was only a matter of time.


	78. Private: Letter Home

_Dearest Mother,_

_How have you been? Life here has been going fair though Uncle Nigel's... Gift has been rather... unforgettable._

No that didn't seem right. A light frown crossed Private's face as he stared thoughtfully at his words and tried to find a better yet poliete way to properly explain Alice.

He didn't want to give his Mum the wrong opinion of the woman after all.

_Intolerable._

There. That seemed much more reasonable and as close to the truth he could get without spewing every foul world he knew.

_We have tried to amend Uncle's mistake by shipping the woman out of country but I'm afraid she seems to always find her way back._

The Danes had all but threw Alice back at them. Appearently not even the _'Evil' _(according to Skipper) that was Denmark wanted the rather bitter woman. Russia had taken it even worse then the Danes and threatened all out war if they didn't take their Minder back.

Personally Private would have rather left the woman there but the Commander made them go and pick her up before the russian's sent Alice back tied to a Nuke.

_I'm afraid that for now we're stuck with her but not to worry Mother. We still have a few tricks left up our sleeves though disposing of her many take while longer then originally planned but I'm certain the end results will be well worth the wait._

_How are You and Grandfather fairing? Its been some time since I received a letter from either of you and have been having difficulties getting in touch with Grandfather. _

_Its a bit worrying actually- though Skipper has ensured me Grandfather is most likely rather busy and I'm worrying over nothing- usually I get at least six letter from Grandfather a month. Now I haven't even gotten one. _

_Maybe Skipper's right? _

_I mean you would tell me if something was wrong, Right?_

Of course she would. Mum wouldn't hide something that important from him.

_I'm doing well. Skipper and I still have a few issues but nothing too bad. We just have to accept we will always have our differences. _

_Oh a completely unrelated note: You two will be proud to know I can now identify scentless poisons with but a glance alone. I'm also a much lighter sleeper so other's will find it hard to sneak up on me while I sleep. _

_I hope this letter finds you well. _

_Sincerely, _

_Your Son_

_Private _

_PS Do you think you could ship me some Peanut Butter Winkies. I'm afraid my stash here has become contaminated and needs to be replaced as soon as possible before I fall into withdrawal. _

There. It was perfect. Polite and to the point while mentioning his beloved snack. With luck his Mother would actually send a replacement supply before the week was out.

Now all he had to do was last the week without falling into a rather serious case of withdrawal.


	79. Red: Response

_My Dearest Private, _

_I fear my Father- your Grandfather- is sick and will be unable to write for some time. __ Though Father has requested I send his regards and inform you he eagerly awaits your next letter._

_I would speak more but I find this a matter better spoken in person then on a flimsy sheet of paper so for now I ask you to be patient._

_I have had... _

_Words with Agent Nigel concerning is little gift but fear there is little I can actually do about the woman. On the other hand, did you know a small tribe of cannibals live wihtin the Amazon forest just off of the river Purus. _

_Perphaps a vacation to Brasil would do Ms. Alice soon good, that is as long as she doesn't get her maps mixed up. Mightly conviently I have recently come in possession of a first class ticket to Brasil and have inclosed it within the package containing your precious Peanut Butter Winkies. I trust you'll be able to place it to better use then I._

That would teach Widow for trying to lure her into the Amazon- what did the albino think she was; an Idiot?

_As for your said sweets, I have shipped you a box with this letter. I also took the liberity of preordering you a box to be delivered every month. Do try to make these last and preferable keep them out of your friends' reach. _

_With all my love,_

_ R. Sova_

Sighing softly, the rouge carefully folded the papers together before placing them with an envelope. There wasn't much she could really tell the Kit on paper when so much of what she needed to say had to be done in person.

Now all she had to do was ship the letter and her package, then head out for a drink as the old man was due in testing for the next couple of hours. She would of insisted on being there had the Head Doctor not filed a restraining order against her.

You cave someone's skull in once and they never want to be near you again. You think the man would be professional about matters at hand but apparently not as the other had moaned and complained for hours, only getting a restraining order when the Russian attempted to give him a actually reason to complain.

Luckily Dylan had volunteered to be with her old man or Red highly doubted she would allow the testing to happen at all.


	80. Red: Cryptic Nuptials

Why was it every time she tried getting drunk those idiots showed up?

Was there some sort of law she didn't know? Some sort of secret radar mentally installed into their thick skulls which would only to go off when she was alone in a nearby Tavern?

Was there some sort of conspiracy she needed to be made aware of?

Sadly enough, that was all too possible considering her rather short yet _'eventful'_ life as of far.

All the rouge wanted to do was get drunk, to waste away her problems. Was that really too much to ask?

It should have been a simple matter really: _Get alcohol, put bottle to lips, drink, repeat._

And for a while maybe it was.

Red was quite certain she had managed to reach the borderline between sober and wasted- if the numb tingling of her being was anything to be considered- by time the two idiots who called theirselves her Nemesis intruded upon her rather peaceful evening. She should have left then and there but the bottle was so tempting_\- She was quite aware of the slight problem she had, thank you very much...-_ and as far as the rouge's clouded mind was concerned she had been their first.

To leave then would have been to admit defeat, something her pride would never allow. So she stayed and continued to drink herself away while her two personal annoyances made theirselves comfortable across from her.

...Looking back on it, She should have just damned her pride and just left.

* * *

Red's not quite sure how it happened but she just wanted to make one thing crystal clear:

This was _**all** _Nigel and Rockgut's fault.

Of course as far as the Russian was concerned everything that went wrong was automatically their fault but it was nice to have solid proof for a change. Even if said proof was a rather sparkling band on gold setting delicately upon her finger.

A ring...

Heh, she certain some Deity out there is having one hell of a laugh at her expanse. She has half a mind to beat the two Agents awake while screaming every foul word she knows but consider the mass amount of alcohol she can saturating the air, she doubts they'll actually recall what happened.

Maybe its best that way?

The Russian ponders while stuffing all three copies of a Marriage Certificate into her pocket. She's not the marriage sort; she can't promise faithfulness, support and loyalty. As for _'till death do you part'_... well that may happen sooner rather then later considering the paths they walked. Its better this way.

Taking the rings from their fingers isn't easy but she managed before slipping them around a chain necklace she fishes out of her pocket with her own. They feel heavy around her neck and against her chest but the rouge blames it upon whatever alcohol she had buried herself in the night before.

Its not like she actually cared enough for her own actions to hurt.

Honest.

Glancing upon the two men sleeping obviously to the world, a spark of mischief appears within her golden eye. She works quickly, rearranging the scene laid out before her. Revenge was something she was- as Nigel once put it- rather _'Brilliant'_ at, even if her revenge was petty.

Shame she didn't have her camera, though maybe later she'll take out her eye to get the image from its recordings. After all, who would possibly permit such delicious blackmail to slip through their fingers?

She's smiling as she leaves the room, silently shutting the door behind her.


End file.
